The Rosefic Saga
by Natalie Williams
Summary: Long-running AU futurefic series concerning John, Aeryn and their daughter.
1. I Owe it All to a Few Pushy Fans

Once upon a time, (1999, Augustish) I wrote Bedtime Story, which featured John and Aeryn's daughter Rose. I was yelled at to bring her back.   
  
I wrote two more stories for her. I was again yelled at to bring her back by more people.   
  
This spawned a series of fluffic. I started out very hard trying to keep it in tune with canon as a viable futurefic, and then TPTB started screwing with me. The series is still going on, and I'm still trying to keep it as close as possible. For instance, Zhaan is still around for part of it, which kinda didn't stay happened. Just don't think about it too much. 


	2. Bedtime Story

DISCLAIMER: I donÕt own Farscape. It belongs to a lot of people who are not me. I mean no harm, I come in peace. Rose, however, is very much mine.   
  
*****  
  
DonÕt get me wrong. I love the life I have, and I would not give it up for anything. Yes, parts of it have been extremely difficult. Being a mother is hard. Leaving Moya was hard. Going back there at the constant insistence of my husband and daughter while trying not to arouse suspicion for them or us is hard, and itÕs hard to say goodbye to everyone all over again. ItÕs hard to leave there each time and come back to this colony and pretend weÕre a normal, non-fugitive family.   
  
The really disturbing thing is, IÕm starting to live out the extremely difficult part every single night at bedtime.   
  
ÒIÕm not tired!Ó   
  
I resist a sigh and look her straight in the eye. ÒItÕs past your bedtime. *Long* past your bedtime,Ó I tell her.   
  
ÒBut IÕm *not* tired.Ó   
  
She gets this from her father, I swear. He blames her stubbornness on me, but I know better. ÒRose,Ó I say slowly, Òyou may not be tired, but I am.Ó   
  
ÒYou can go to sleep if you want,Ó Rose says simply. I have the sneaking suspicion that sheÕs not a child. SheÕs an adult trapped in the body of a six-cycle-old little girl.   
  
IÕm fighting the urge to bang my head against the wall. If this were someone else- say, John- I could easily *force* them to sleep. Pantac jabs and such are good for that. But I have to put on a different face with my daughter. Especially since I know that sheÕll take any sign of weakness as a win. ItÕs like playing strategy games with her half the time... John always tells me sheÕs keeping me on my toes. I donÕt know what that means exactly, but I get the feeling heÕs right.   
  
ÒHaving trouble?Ó   
  
IÕm already wishing him not to start. The last thing I need is for both of them to gang up on me. They love to do that. John says IÕm too strict. Right. If it were up to him sheÕd be running wild. Actually, this whole thing is actually his fault, with his ÒCome on, Aeryn, five more minutes wonÕt hurt.Ó   
  
ÒIÕm not tired,Ó Rose states. I hate those three words.   
  
ÒAre you sure about that?Ó John says as he sits next to me on the edge of RoseÕs bed.   
  
She nods. SheÕs not impressed.   
  
He looks at me, shrugging. ÒIt worked every time my parents tried it on me,Ó he says. ÒIÕm out of ideas.Ó   
  
I glare at him. ÒYouÕve been a great help.Ó   
  
ÒSorry, babe. I tried.Ó John leans toward me, planting a kiss on my shoulder.   
  
I look back to Rose, who is now at least laying down. ThatÕs a step in the right direction. ÒI donÕt want to go to sleep yet,Ó she says, folding her arms across her chest. Oh, look at her. She looks just like him when she does that. And he says she gets this from me? (Though to be honest, I have to admit that sheÕs absolutely adorable when she does that. Just like her father.)   
  
ÒWhat if I bore you to sleep?Ó he offers.   
  
ÒThat shouldnÕt be too hard,Ó I mutter, but both of them hear me.   
  
Rose smiles. SheÕs used to us. She knows we act like this toward each other, and that we love each other. Of course, I think seeing that is why sheÕs getting so good at being sarcastic.   
  
ÒIÕm serious,Ó says John. ÒBedtime story?Ó   
  
I know where this is headed. He tried this with her once before, back when we were all still aboard Moya. It hadnÕt worked. He had tried to tell her stories from his planet, but Rose wanted details about everything he mentioned, and so he ended up explaining it for arns. He should know better. She wants to know everything about where her father came from, just like she wants to know everything about where her mother was before Moya. And weÕre honest. She knows better than to repeat the things she hears. She knows the situation weÕre in.   
  
ÒYou can try...Ó Rose teases, smiling.   
  
I move off the bed, sitting in the chair at her small table. ItÕs half my size, but I can deal with that. I want a good view of this.   
  
ÒYou listening, Aeryn?Ó John says. ÒYou can learn something about me from this.Ó   
  
ÒI learned something the last time you tried this,Ó I say.   
  
He blows me a kiss.   
  
ÒIs this part of the story?Ó Rose asks.   
  
ÒNope,Ó John says, and clears his throat loudly. Obviously signaling that heÕs telling the story now. ÒOnce upon a time, in a land far, far... far, far, far, *far* away, there were these three bears. You remember what bears are?Ó When she nods, he goes on. ÒSo there are the three bears. The papa bear, the mama bear, and the baby bear.Ó   
  
Rose grins. ÒLike us! You, me and Mom.Ó   
  
John slides a glance at me, but continues. ÒSo the three bears, theyÕre hungry and theyÕre having porridge for dinner-Ó   
  
ÒWhatÕs that?Ó   
  
ÒItÕs food. ItÕs kind of nasty, you donÕt want to think about it too much.Ó   
  
ÒThen why are they eating it?Ó   
  
ÒWhen youÕre hungry, youÕll eat anything. The next step down from this would be food cubes. But anyway, they sit down to dinner, and they all take a bite. And the papa bear says, ÔMine is too hot.Õ And the mama bear says, ÔMine is too cold.Õ And the baby bear says, ÔMine is just right.ÕÓ   
  
I admit, itÕs cute how he does different voices for each bear. But IÕve already got questions about this story. (Like what? Well, for example, how could food cooked at the same time all be such different temperatures?) But I keep them to myself. I do *not* want to put any more thoughts into that little girlÕs head tonight.   
  
ÒSo the bears decide to take a walk and let the food get temperature-controlled. And while theyÕre out, thereÕs this girl that comes skipping down the road toward the house. Her name was Goldilocks-Ó   
  
ÒWhat kind of name is Goldilocks?Ó Rose asks.   
  
ÒA made up one. Sh, get tired.Ó   
  
I smile at them. He really does have a way with her. And if it hadnÕt been for his support, I never would have been able to do this. I knew less than nothing about children. But he assured me we could do this. And we did. I think weÕve done a good job with her so far. WeÕre proud of her. (SheÕs a little on the spoiled side, I know, but thatÕs all right. John says itÕs because sheÕs an only child.   
  
ÒGoldilocks sees the house, and goes inside because sheÕs a really nosy girl. I donÕt think her parents raised her right,Ó John says. ÒAnd she sees the bowls of porridge on the table.Ó   
  
ÒAnd she eats it, right?Ó says Rose. ÒThat was dumb.Ó   
  
ÒI totally agree. YouÕre getting ahead of me, sweetie. Goldilocks sits at the table, and tries the papa bearÕs porridge. And she says, Ôoh, this is too hot-ÕÓ   
  
ÒThen she shouldnÕt be eating it.Ó   
  
ÒYouÕre smarter than she is. Okay, so skip ahead a little. Goldilocks eats up all the porridge and decides she wants to sit down. So she goes into the living room and sits in the papa bearÕs chair. And she says, ÔThis chair is too hard.Õ And she sits in the mama bearÕs chair and says, ÔThis chair is too soft.Õ And she sits in the baby bearÕs chair and says, ÔThis one is just right.ÕÓ   
  
I can already see Rose trying to yawn with her mouth closed. Maybe JohnÕs learned something since the last time he tried this.   
  
ÒSo Goldilocks gets tired of sitting there, and she goes upstairs. And she finds the bedroom,Ó John continues. ÒSo she lays on the papa bearÕs bed, and...Ó   
  
ÒI get it,Ó Rose said quietly, her big blue eyes slowly closing.   
  
ÒWell, so she goes to the mama bearÕs bed and the baby bearÕs bed and she falls asleep.Ó He stops, waiting for her to ask him another question. ÒAnd I think sheÕs out,Ó he tells me.   
  
ÒThank you,Ó I tell him. IÕd probably still be up with her.   
  
We both kiss her good night, and I pull the covers up a little higher over her. John and I stare at her a moment longer before leaving together.   
  
ÒSo how does the story end?Ó I ask John. (IÕm actually curious. I have a lot of the same questions Rose did. Not to mention my idea of the ending includes an arrest for trespassing.)   
  
He is quiet for a minute, frowning. ÒI donÕt know,Ó he said, and laughs. ÒI havenÕt heard it in years. Thank God I didnÕt have to ad lib the ending.Ó   
  
I smile at that. I would have liked to see that. ÒAnd where were you when I went through this last night?Ó I say.   
  
ÒPlease. When you get in one of your I-donÕt-need-your-help moods, I make sure to be not in the same room,Ó he says.   
  
ÒIÕm not *that* bad,Ó I say.   
  
ÒYeah, you are. But I love you anyway,Ó he says, and kisses me to prove his point.   
  
I really do love him. It took me a while to figure that out. But I do. And by now, I know he believes me when I say that. He *better* believe me. IÕve made a lot of sacrifices for him. I donÕt mind, though. HeÕs made just as many sacrifices as I have.   
  
ÒI love you, too,Ó I say.   
  
He sends me that smile of his. You know which one. ÒGlad to hear it. Same time tomorrow?Ó   
  
ÒIÕm not doing this again tomorrow,Ó I tell him, shaking my head. ÒItÕs your turn.Ó   
  
ÒFine with me. I think IÕll need to start thinking of stories ahead of time,Ó John says, taking my hand in his.   
  
ÒNot to mention the endings.Ó   
  
ÒTonight was a fluke, I swear. And I could have made up my own ending. ItÕs not like anyone out here knows the story,Ó he reminds me.   
  
John opens the door to the small yard in back. ItÕs beautiful there at night. You can get a completely unobstructed view of the stars, and thereÕs complete silence... ItÕs not the terrace, but itÕs as close as you can get down here.   
  
We do this often, after weÕve put Rose to bed. And we sit out under the stars, just staring upward. I never thought I would ever be able to get used to absolute silence, but after all those times on Moya when we would come off of some escape or situation and then have nothing but peace and quiet till the next disaster... I found myself missing that for a long time, till we started coming out here.   
  
We settled in one of the Sebacean colonies in the Uncharted Territories about two cycles ago. No one even suspected that John or Rose were anything but Sebacean. Or that their neighbors were technically criminals, for that matter. But it was much harder to leave than I thought it would be. We had made Moya our home. But that was no life for our daughter. She deserved better.   
  
John doesnÕt say it, but I know he misses them. If *I* miss them, I know he does. Even Rose will ask when we can see them again. And we try. Since leaving, we have arranged a couple of meetings with them. ItÕs very hard for me to imagine now what life would be like without DÕArgo and Zhaan and Pilot and Chiana and Rygel there somehow. And Rose seems to have really bonded with Chiana- that terrifies me to no end. I donÕt even want to think about what sheÕs teaching that girl when my back is turned.   
  
ItÕs strange to think of how much things have changed. Think about it. When I first met all those people, I *hated* them. And why wouldnÕt I? When I first met them, theyÕd captured me. And now I find myself *missing* them. But things change. Priorities change, people change...   
  
Actually, John hasnÕt. Not much, anyway. HeÕs a lot less uncomfortable here than he used to be, thatÕs clear. But heÕs still basically the same person. He still makes references to things I will never understand even if he explains them to me. (That still annoys me. I donÕt know how that could *not* annoy me.) He still makes those tapes for his father. HeÕs still John. And every day IÕm grateful for that. I know that there will always be a part of him that I canÕt understand. But thatÕs the part he gets to share with Rose.   
  
John puts an arm around me, and I settle closer to him. I wonder what heÕs thinking.   
  
The door then opens behind us, followed by a small voice: ÒI canÕt sleep.Ó 


	3. Decisions, Decisions

I don't think it's right to feel absolutely cold. And I don't think it's right to have this feeling for over an arn. It almost feels like this isn't happening, that this is all some strange dream, and that I'm going to wake up any microt and not have to deal with any of this.   
  
The problem is, it's not a dream. It's really happening, and whatever decision I make doesn't affect only me. This also affects John. This affects the child that either doesn't live or that I have to care for. Either way, I have to deal with it for the rest of my life. While most of me right now can't believe I ever got into this position, there's a part of me creeping out that isn't hating the thought too much. Which is good, because it's probably best I not be so upset when I have to tell John.   
  
I'm not looking forward to him.   
  
I find him in command, fiddling with some controls and wires that Pilot probably told him to stay away from. Maybe this talk will save him from electrocuting himself. I really don't want to do this, but there's really no choice. I can't *not* tell him, and it's better that we do this sooner than later.   
  
"What have you done?" I ask him, trying to sound normal.   
  
"I haven't done anything. I'm fixing it," he says, and turns towards me. "Trying to fix it, anyway. It's not cooperating." John looks at me, frowning. "Is something wrong."   
  
"I'm pregnant." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I probably could have cushioned the blow a little, but the words have to be said anyway.   
  
He just stares at me for a moment, then says simply, "What?"   
  
"I'm pregnant," I repeat, and realize just how *strange* that sounds.   
  
John nods slowly, as if the words are just hitting him. "Oh," he says, and his eyes drift from me to somewhere behind me on the wall. "Wow."   
  
I'm expecting more of a reaction. I want more of a reaction. "Is that all you can say?" I ask.   
  
"Give me a second. Let me get a thought." He looks back up at me, studying my face like he's trying to figure out if I'm telling the truth. "You're serious?"   
  
And look, I was right. "You think I would joke about something like this?" I ask, offended.   
  
"No, I don't think you would," he says quickly, "but... Wow."   
  
I really don't like the way this is going. I may not be too happy about this- yet- but I think I want him to be. "You can stop saying that now." I tell him.   
  
"Sorry."   
  
"What do you think?" I ask, becoming annoyed. "And if you say 'wow' I will hurt you."   
  
He takes a moment to respond. I think he's still shaking off the shock. And if so, he needs to tell me how to do the same. "I think this could be a good thing, Aeryn," he says finally. "I mean... Wo- I mean..." He looks me in the eye again, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Why aren't you smiling?"   
  
It's best to be honest with him. "Because I don't know what we're supposed to do."   
  
The smile's gone. "You don't want to have the baby?"   
  
"I don't know," I confess. "All I can think about is why this is a bad thing. I know absolutely nothing about children, for one-"   
  
"You think anyone does?" he says, and puts his hands on my waist. "ItÕs touch and go with everyone, babe."   
  
Like that's even the start of it. "This child isnÕt even one species. I know hardly anything about your species, you donÕt know mine, and we donÕt know whatÕs going to happen when these two species reproduce," I continue, my thoughts all coming out in one long ramble, desperate to escape my brain. "And weÕd be bringing up a child while running from Peacekeepers and bounty hunters and whoever else wants us all dead. I've lost count of how many there are hunting us down, John. We donÕt have anything here for a child, and especially not an infant. And if Crais or Scorpius were to get word that I was pregnant... I donÕt want to make this child a target." Where did that one come from? I hadn't even thought of that before.   
  
Something in his face... He really wants this baby, I can see that. And that hurts. I thought it would make me feel more at ease, but it doesn't. If I decide not to have this child... "Aeryn, we can do this," he says with a seriousness to his voice that I have never heard before. "This is our child. Yours and mine. Think about that for a minute. Can you imagine what our kid would be like?"   
  
The thought brings the start of a smile to my face. I can imagine it. And while that thought absolutely *terrifies* me, I like it all the same.   
  
"We can do this, Aeryn. You're definitely not alone on this."   
  
I stare at him, into his eyes, and that unhappy little part of me starts to back down. "I just need to think about this for a little while," I say, but I can hear the reluctance in my own voice. Right about now, I want this baby, desperately, but I need to think this over more before I come to a decision.   
  
"Okay," he concedes, but I know he isn't happy about that. "How long have you known?" he asks. I think he's trying to figure out whether I knew before he dragged me down to see Zhaan about all the problems I'd been having. (Little did I realize they were symptoms of pregnancy. Looking back it's actually pretty frelling obvious.)   
  
"About an arn. Zhaan didn't want you to hear in case I..." I trail off. I still haven't been able to actually say out loud that I might not keep the baby. And I won't say it to him.   
  
"Decided not to tell me at all?" he says.   
  
"I wouldn't do that," I insist. "But she didn't know that."   
  
He nods. This obviously isn't going the way he wants it to. "Are you okay?" he asks me. "You're almost as white as Chiana."   
  
"I'm fine," I say. "Just... a little shaken. Shocked."   
  
"I can see that," he says, and puts a palm up to my face. "I do think this is a good thing, Aeryn."   
  
He's doing this on purpose. And it's *working*. "I know. Just let me think about it," I say. "Maybe tomorrow I'll have a clearer head."   
  
"Okay," he says, and pauses for a microt. "I'm not trying to pressure you into having it-"   
  
"Yes, you are," I tell him. If he's going to guilt me, I'm going to call him on it.   
  
He smiles. "Okay, I am," he says. "I do want this baby, Aeryn. And I want it with you."   
  
Oh, that's it. He wins. He *knew* how hard that would hit me! I've got to give him credit, he's *good*. (And if the child inherits that from him, I will kill him.)   
  
Too bad I'm still going off to my own quarters. I need to be alone right now. I just have to sort things through, and figure out how things will work. "Good night, John," I say, touching his hand lightly as I turn to leave.   
  
"Night," he says.   
  
As I leave, I can hear one more shocked "Wow" come from his direction.   
  
I go off to my quarters, knowing there's no way I'm getting any kind of sleep. That's just not going to happen. The talk had the effect I thought it would. I came out of it wanting this baby, wanting to make this all work. I'm still scared out of my mind, and I don't have the first clue how to do this, but I'm going to try.   
  
To be honest, I don't think I would have been able to keep the child if John hadn't wanted it. If I'd been left to raise him or her alone, I could do it. But considering our situation, both living here on Moya, it wouldn't be fair to him, it wouldn't be fair to me, and it wouldn't be fair to our child. It would never work.   
  
I just lay in bed for a few arns, wide awake, trying to come up with answers to all my questions. How the others will deal with this, how to care for it, how to keep this all from our enemies, and then there's how this will affect my relationship with John.   
  
I wouldn't say it's *serious* between us, but I'm not denying that I have feelings for him. Strong feelings. I only recently admitted that to him. I was comfortable with the way things were. Whatever our situation, no matter how odd it may have seemed, it worked for us. Of course, having a baby changes all of that. Like it or not, there's no a bond between us. A little half-Sebacean, half-human bond that's going to force us into each other's lives no matter what. That scares me, too. It's been a long, *long* time since I've been a part of any kind of family, and that family wasn't together long at all.   
  
But I can see it. I really can imagine our child. Another thing that scares me, but it's going to happen. And I like that thought.   
  
I'm still terrified. I don't know how to stop that. I've never been this close to being paralyzed with fear before. I've never had to care for another being before. Not like this. I may have decided to have this baby, but that doesn't change the fact that *I don't know what I'm doing.* At all. Don't even know where to start.   
  
I'm not ready for this. There is no doubt about that. But I've made up my mind. I'm going to be a mother.   
  
Did I just think that?   
  
I really don't want to be here right now. I don't want to be confined to my quarters alone. A problem easily solved when I get up and walk myself over to John's quarters. I know he's not asleep, especially when I see him move over to make room for me.   
  
I crawl into his bed, and he puts his arms around me. This is much better. "So do we have a verdict yet? Or are we still a hung jury?" he asks.   
  
I have no idea what 'hung jury' means. I get the point, though. "Congratulations," I say. "You're going to be a father."   
  
John doesn't say anything at first, just holds me closer, kissing me lightly. "Thank you," he tells me.   
  
I settle against him, smiling a little. This is much better. Maybe now both of us can get some sleep. Not likely, but maybe... 


	4. Untitled, For Lack of a Better Title

When John didn't show up at breakfast, I knew where he would be. Actually, I was going to look for him when I woke up this morning and found him gone, but I know he needs time to think. I did, too, at first. But I want to know what he's thinking. I was honest with him. The least he could do is tell me what's going on.   
  
He's out on the terrace, staring out into space. He's lost in thought. And actually, it's been a long time since I've seen him so still, so absorbed in his own thought. I don't know if that's a good sign or not.   
  
I don't say anything, just sit next to him. He looks over at me and smiles a little. "Were you planning on staying out here all day?" I ask him.   
  
"I kind of lost track of the time," John admits. He still isn't looking me in the eye. That isn't good.   
  
"Are you all right?" I say.   
  
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" he asks. "Are you okay?"   
  
"I have been so far," I tell him. "Don't worry about me. You never answered my question. Are *you* all right?"   
  
John nods, finally looking up so that I can see into his eyes. "Yeah. The shock's just sinking in," he says.   
  
I can see that. I understand that. In fact, I was there yesterday. "This is a lot to deal with," I agree. "So much to do and not enough time to do it all."   
  
"Tell me about it. And there's so much we don't know," he says. "I mean, we haven't found any major problematic differences between our species, but who says we won't find them when this kid is born? We don't know. And if we were on Earth, I'd know what to do, but how the hell do you even change a diaper out here? Do we *have* diapers out here?"   
  
He's rambling. It's been a very long time since I've seen him like this, this scared. And he's definitely not alone. I've had a lot of these same thoughts, and for each question I can think of, the only answer I come up with is that we'll figure this out. I really believe that we can. This is the only option: strange as it may seem, I want this baby. I want to do this.   
  
"It isn't like either one of us is doing this alone," I say, and pause, waiting for a response.   
  
"Right," John says.   
  
Good. Exactly the response I was looking for. "Then I think we can do this," I say. "We have people here who will help us, whether they like it or not, and it's like you told me last night. We're in this together."   
  
He smiles at me, a full, genuine smile. "And here I thought you weren't listening."   
  
"I listen. I might not like what you have to say, but I do listen. And I liked what you had to say," I tell him, smiling.   
  
"First time for everything," he says. "How are you so calm about this?"   
  
"Really, have you been able to sleep since we found out?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. I know his answer, too, even without him saying it. "Neither have I. I've had a long time to think this over, to get used to the thought of someone calling me 'mother.'" Oh, that's still a strange thought. That one will take some more getting used to.   
  
John puts an arm around me, drawing him comfortably close to him. "So. What do you think, boy or a girl?"   
  
I can't help but be relieved. I've been wondering if he was really all right with this, but he seems to be adjusting. That makes me feel much more at ease. "I haven't put much thought into that," I say. "Either way, I'll be happy." (That's not totally true. I know that I'm not Talyn's mother, and that I haven't raised him, but it almost feels like I have. Having had at least a part in raising a male, I think I would like a girl. It'll also even out the hormonal imbalance on this ship, but that's another story...)   
  
I can feel John's breath on my ear as he turns his head towards mine. "That's going to have to be our battle cry, you know. We're in this together. No matter what happens..."   
  
ÒGood. Because IÕm not sure I could do this without you, John,Ó I whisper. No, I can't do this without him. I know that one for sure.   
  
He nods. ÒAnd I wouldn't want to do this without you.Ó   
  
I look up towards him. ÒUnless thereÕs something about human physiology youÕre not telling me, you *can't* do this without me,Ó I remind him.   
  
I can feel John's body move as he laughs, and pulls me closer. "The others won't take this news well," I say. That's my main concern right now, now that John isn't silent anymore. I don't want everyone else to take this as a bad thing. It isn't.   
  
"You know what? They dealt with Moya's pregnancy, they can deal with this. And considering how many problems we all had during that time, this will be a lot less painful for them. This is between us," John says. "They'll come around. It's cool."   
  
We are both silent for a moment, and I'm starting to feel like I could just fall asleep right here in his arms. And it looks like John sees that, too. "You want to go inside?" he asks me quietly.   
  
I shake my head, curling up next to him. "No. I'd rather stay with here." 


	5. The Waiting Game

Aeryn looks surprised to see me as I come back into our quarters. She probably thought she'd be rid of me for a little while longer. "That didn't take long," she said.   
  
"We didn't want to be gone too long," I tell her. "Just in case."   
  
I know she's annoyed. Well, you know what? She's just going to have to deal with it. We don't know exactly when the baby's due, and Aeryn could go into labor at any minute. I know she's sick of us all checking up on her, but it won't be much longer till we've got something else to worry about entirely...   
  
"You have got to stop this. I'm fine," she says, and I can see her rolling her eyes. Actually, I'm surprised she hasn't all-out slugged me yet. She's probably been tempted.   
  
I sit next to her on the bed, putting an arm around her. "So how's she doing?" I ask, and place my other hand on her abdomen for a moment, in case I can feel the baby kick. "Still practicing her Junior Peacekeeper skills?"   
  
"All day," Aeryn nods. "She seems to have gotten tired of it, though."   
  
"Makes it easier on you."   
  
Another, more vigorous nod. "I can't wait to see what she's going to put us through when she's old enough to talk," she says, her voice half a groan.   
  
"You think that's bad, just remember the teenage years," I say. Yep, I'm dreading that one.   
  
Aeryn leans against me, putting her head on my shoulder. "We're going to have so much to explain to her," she says.   
  
I'm aware. "You mean that her parents are fugitives and aren't even the same species?" I say.   
  
"To start. There's so much we take for granted, and this baby is going to come into existence not knowing anything." She looks up at me, and she just looks so concerned... It's a look I've gotten used to. You should see Aeryn's Mommy Mode. She's gotten really into it the past few months. And believe it or not, it's really cool.   
  
"Well, we've got her for a while, I think that'll give us enough time to explain why everyone gives Daddy weird looks when he says something and why Mommy has issues," I tell her.   
  
"Oh, I am not telling her about that," Aeryn says. "She doesn't need to know *everything*."   
  
I can do that. I can't think of any reason why this kid should know about my little trip to the dark side, either. "Deal," I say. Aeryn looks down to her stomach. "Go to sleep!" she says, and sighs.   
  
"Busy girl," I say.   
  
"You have *no* idea. I can't wait till she's born and you can put her down when she gets like this."   
  
I know what Aeryn's really saying, the little hidden message she keeps putting into her words. She can't wait till she's born. I can't either. It's like when I was a kid, right before Christmas. You'd see the ads for all the toys and decorations going up months in advance, and then by the time Christmas Eve rolled around, it was torture waiting for the actual day just because you'd been waiting *so long*. Same principle applies.   
  
"Well, we don't have too much longer to wait," I say, starting to play with her hair.   
  
"No, we don't. As you and Zhaan remind me as often as possible," Aeryn said, looking at me as if the look on her face would make me stop worrying. That won't happen. I can tell you, I'm gonna be like the fathers on TV sitcoms during the delivery. It's already setting in. (That's probably when Aeryn's going to slug me.)   
  
"Hey, can I help it if I'm concerned about my girls?" I kiss the top of her head.   
  
"It doesn't help if you drive me insane in the process."   
  
"Not if we go insane choosing a name first," I say.   
  
Aeryn shakes her head. "Don't start." We've already been through this several times, and we've still got nothing.   
  
"We'll have to do it sooner or later. How about... Aurora?"   
  
"That's twisted," she says with a little laugh. "Really twisted."   
  
"Hey, at least I've got a sense of humor about it," I say. Okay, true, I only suggested it to get a reaction out of her. No way in hell is she getting that for a name.   
  
"If that's what you call it," Aeryn teases.   
  
I can see that look on her face again, the one between annoyance and discomfort. "Is she acting up again?" I ask her.   
  
She pauses for a second, then shakes her head. "I don't think so," she says quietly. "John? Call Zhaan." 


	6. By Any Other Name

"I am not naming my kid anything I can't spell," I tell her decisively.   
  
"You're making this much harder than it has to be," says Aeryn.   
  
"Sorry. No space names."   
  
She gives me that Look. You know the one. The one she uses to tell me she just doesn't get it, and she knows better than to try.   
  
"Hey, it's no weirder than not naming her after dead people," I counter.   
  
"It's bad luck," Aeryn says simply. I pause, wondering for a second if I heard her right. "Bad luck?" I repeat.   
  
She looked almost embarrassed for a moment. "It's superstition, yes, but I think it makes sense," she says. "And superstition aside, it's morbid."   
  
I can give her that much. And hey, if that's Aeryn Sun's one superstition... I can deal with that.   
  
I look back down at the sleeping baby in her crib. We've both been staring at her for a while now, just totally amazed by her. She's only a few hours old, hasn't really done much but sleep so far, and she's absolutely beautiful. I think she looks like Aeryn, but that may be because she's got her hair. It's hard to tell, since she's all little and wrinkly and her features will probably have changed by the next time we look at her. Don't know what color eyes she has yet- she doesn't seem to want to open them when we're looking. She's tiny. I didn't realize how tiny babies were until now. To realize that yesterday, she wasn't here, that she didn't even technically exist... That alone is just about enough to blow my mind. And to know that she came from us...   
  
(And by the way, if you're wondering how we got a crib out here, D'Argo and I built it. Okay, he built it. But I handed him the tools. And great timing, it was finished about two days ago. Now I just hope the thing's strong enough not to collapse on the poor kid. D'Argo tells me it's fine, but I'd be happier with a safety commission's answer on that.)   
  
"Okay," I agree. "No dead people and no space names."   
  
"And just what do you consider a space name?" she asks.   
  
"Anything I can possibly hear on Star Trek."   
  
"That doesn't help me," Aeryn says, but is cut off by the baby's cry.   
  
And we both stop.   
  
"And how are we supposed to know why she's crying?" Aeryn asks.   
  
"How should I know?" I say. "You're her mother. You've got those maternal instincts, right?"   
  
"Wonderful defense," she snaps, and carefully leans over to pick the baby up.   
  
She stops crying after a moment, and I'm thanking God that I don't have to introduce Aeryn to the wonderful world of diaper changing just yet. "What did I do?" Aeryn asks me.   
  
"I think she just wanted to be picked up," I tell her.   
  
Her eyes widen. "They cry to be held?"   
  
Aha, and this is where the challenge is going to come in. For all the bonding she did with Talyn, I severely doubt Aeryn's had much experience with kids. Which she can't be blamed for. She was a Peacekeeper commando her whole life, and for the life of me I don't see where in that time she would pick up child rearing skills.   
  
But she's impressing me. A lot. She's fallen so in love with the kid...   
  
"Yeah, they do that. Like to be held," I tell her.   
  
Aeryn smiles. "I can do that," she says, looking down at the baby.   
  
I want my camera. Right now. I mean it. This is the image I want to frame and put on the mantel. Too bad I can't do that. Nevertheless, I'm going to keep this moment forever locked away in my memory.   
  
"How do you know so much about children?" Aeryn wonders, not even looking up.   
  
I shrug. "Pretty common knowledge on Earth."   
  
"Well, I'm glad one of us has some idea of what they're doing," she says dryly.   
  
I smile over at her. "You seem to be doing fine so far," I tell her, still watching her with our daughter.   
  
"Because I haven't had to do anything yet."   
  
"Yeah, that whole birth thing was absolutely nothing," I say jokingly, then turn serious again. "I don't know how you can even be standing right now." (I mean that. Come on, *OW*! Watch me repress a shudder.)   
  
"I'm fine," she says, and if it wasn't Aeryn, no way would I believe her. "I just don't like the thought that *that* was the easy part."   
  
"Well, considering we're driving ourselves crazy trying to name her... The rest is gonna be fun. Can't wait till she hits the terrible two's. Or her teen years." Oh, that's a bad thought. Erase that thought. We've still got a while for that.   
  
"Terrible two's?"   
  
"Uh, I'm going to forget I said that and wait until the time actually comes to scare you," I say. "She isn't even a day old. Let's just deal with now."   
  
"Right now, I have no idea what I'm doing," Aeryn says. She actually looks really worried. I know that's the one thing that's been scaring her about all this. Flying blind on this is kind of a bad thing...   
  
I walk closer to her, so I can look her directly in the eye. "I don't think most parents know. At least at first," I say. "It's just something you have to learn as you go along. I'm in the same boat, pretty much. I know the basics, but once you learn them, we'll both be clueless."   
  
"Was that supposed to make me feel better?" she asks.   
  
"No. I think if we're doing something wrong, the kid will probably let us know," I say, looking down at the baby in Aeryn's arms, who's already back asleep.   
  
"Why don't you choose her name?" Aeryn says.   
  
Didn't see that one coming. I thought we'd probably be fighting over names for the next week or so before we finally decided on something in frustration. "You're putting this all on me?" I say, looking back up at her.   
  
"I had enough trouble selecting a name for Talyn," she reminds me. "And this is not any easier. I'm at a loss."   
  
"So when you don't like the name, you can blame it on me. Sure, fine, nothing new," I say, but I smile so she doesn't start rolling her eyes at me. "So no dead people, and space names will not be a problem."   
  
Everyone's got names they like. Or at least I did. And of course, I can't remember any of those names right now.   
  
This is the name this girl is going to have to go through the rest of her life with, and the last thing you want is to give her a bad name. I remember being on the playground way back when and seeing kids teasing those they thought had funny-sounding names. Not that that will really be an issue right now, but it adds to the pressure. And I want to give her a name that'll fit her.   
  
"What about Rose?" I say. I'm not sure how the name just popped into my head. It just did.   
  
Aeryn frowns. "What does it mean?"   
  
"It's a flower, on Earth. Beautiful, a common favorite. It's a symbol of love." Maybe that's why I thought of it? Suddenly I really like the name.   
  
The frown disappears, taken over by a smile. "I like it," she says. "Was that really so hard?"   
  
"Nope," I say. "We're not even at the hard part yet." 


	7. Baby's First POV

I'm awake. I don't want to be awake. That's it. I'm unhappy. Time to let everyone know it.   
  
I let out a shrill cry, knowing I'll get attention and someone will fix this. Sure enough, I'm only starting to sob when someone picks me up. I have trained them well. It's my mother who's holding me. I don't even have to open my eyes to know that. Everyone holds me different. There are a lot of people, but I have them sorted out. I definitely know my mother.   
  
I can't figure out what she's saying, but I know it's about me. No, to me. I do know my name, and I heard her say it. Might as well give her a break. She sounds sincere. I stop crying.   
  
I open my eyes, looking around at who else is here. It's just me, my mother... I recognize my father (I know him, too) and that big guy. I like him, too. That's better. I like knowing what's going on around me.   
  
My mother changes how she's holding me, but I like the other way better. I start fussing, squirming around, trying to get her to put me back in that position. She doesn't budge this time.   
  
In fact, she moves me again, and I know I'm *moving*. No, she's putting me back in my sleeping place! I am not going to get back to sleep in there, they should know this by now!   
  
She gets the point when I start whimpering. I don't end up in the sleeping place. Instead, she hands me off to my father. He'll do just fine. I start to get comfortable, and I can see my mother leave the room. Now, I could start crying again but I'm too tired. I know she's coming back. Besides, I've got my father here. And he lets me do anything.   
  
I close my eyes again, trying to get back to sleep. At least until the next time someone wakes me up... 


	8. Who Needs Sleep

As soon as Aeryn walks into the room, I know something's up. I don't know how. Maybe it's intuition. Maybe it's because I know her. Or maybe it's the dark circles under her eyes and the fact that she looks like a train just hit her.   
  
"Did Rose finally get to sleep?" I ask her, breaking off my conversation with Zhaan.   
  
Aeryn nods, but I don't think I've seen her blink since she walked in. "She's got a DRD with her," she says.   
  
I glance at Zhaan, who's looking back at me with one of those "Do you see what I see?" expressions. "Aeryn, maybe you should try to get some rest," Zhaan suggests. She opens her mouth to say more, but Aeryn cuts her off.   
  
"Oh, no. I can't sleep. Because every time I try to sleep, she cries. She's an insomniac. She doesn't sleep. When she does, it's in five hundred microt increments. I can't function that way! She won't stop. I love her, but she won't stop. And she doesn't behave like this for you, John. She doesn't like me. She's doing this to torture me. You know, when I was with the Peacekeepers, they demanded everything I had and they went so far as to deem me irreversibly contaminated, but they gave me time to *sleep*! I don't have that now and it's driving me frelling insane!" She blinks.   
  
Oh, wow. This is bad. Yeah, raising a newborn is tough. We know that. In the four days since we've had Rose, Aeryn and I have had to take shifts with her so we have time to eat and shower and sleep, or just be around other people. But Aeryn's right, I haven't had a hard time with Rose. She doesn't seem happy about that.   
  
I gently take her hand in mine, and I swear she whimpers a little. "Aeryn, honey, I will watch Rose. You sleep," I say.   
  
"I can't. Because every time I close my eyes I think I hear her crying," Aeryn says. "Which is usually because she needs to be changed or fed or held. I have barely slept in four solar days. I don't think I remember how."   
  
"I can give you something to aid you," Zhaan offers.   
  
"What if she needs me?"   
  
"Then I will handle it, Aeryn," I say, squeezing her hand. "You're no good to her if you're too tired to even blink."   
  
"But I *can't*."   
  
I feel bad for her. I really do. We both knew it would be hard, but I didn't think this was part of it. Part of me feels guilty for getting off easy on this. I look over to Zhaan, changing the plan. "Can you keep an eye on the baby? I'm going to go with Aeryn," I tell her.   
  
"I think it's best you do," Zhaan says, frowning at Aeryn. "She needs her rest."   
  
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," mumbles Aeryn, rubbing at her eyes. She looks five. "I'm tired, not deaf. And I'm here."   
  
She's not making too much sense, but she's blinking. This is better. I start leading Aeryn out of command, half dragging her with me. "If something happens, call us," she calls back to Zhaan.   
  
"Don't call us!" I say.   
  
I look back, and Zhaan nods at me in agreement.   
  
"Don't tell her that!" Aeryn says, stumbling a little as she walks. "If Rose needs us, we should be there."   
  
"Zhaan can handle anything that girl throws at her. You are going to have to lighten up a little, babe." I slow my pace so she's not struggling to keep up, and slide my arm around her waist to keep her with me. It also serves to keep her from falling over.   
  
She snorts at that. "This is all your fault anyway, Crichton," she tells me.   
  
Oh, sure. It always comes around to the guy. "It takes two, you know."   
  
"I've passed the point where I care. You're never touching me again. Ever. Fluids can stay right where they are, because... no," she says. Uh oh, she's picking up speed in her words. Here come another ramble. I'm mentally preparing myself. "I'm amazed any body-breeding species survived this long. I would have thought that somewhere along the line they would realize that it's insane, and it really frelling hurts, and you never sleep once the baby is born. No one told me that. Why didn't you tell me that?"   
  
She doesn't wait for me to answer. That would be where I tune her out. She's still going on about something, but any snippet of her speech that I hear seems to be far off from her original point. It's rude to just ignore her, yeah, but I'm more concerned with getting her to wonderfully empty quarters as far away from ours as we can get. Not that Aeryn would notice where we're going, but I'm not taking any chances.   
  
Man, this would have been a great science experiment in school. The Effects of Sleep Deprivation and Postpartum Depression on Ex-Peacekeeper Fugitive Moms. I'll hit myself later for thinking that.   
  
I think we're far enough now. We've been walking a while and Aeryn's still talking. As I close the door to the room, I start hearing her again. "-And all I want to do is sleep for more than a straight arn. Is that so much to ask?"   
  
"No, it's not," I say.   
  
"Am I a bad mother?"   
  
She might as well have three heads right now because I wouldn't look at her any more strangely than I already am. "How can you think that?" I say. I sit her down on the bed, kneeling by her so I can look her in the eye.   
  
"Because I can't handle this. She starts crying, and the first thing on my mind is how long I've slept. Look at me, John. I'm tired, I'm babbling, and I'm... I'm losing it," she says. I think she's halfway to crying.   
  
I rise from my position and sit next to her. I wrap my arm around her, and she collapses against me. "You are a great mom. You haven't slept in four days because you're more worried about her than you are yourself," I say quietly. "You're thinking of sleep but it doesn't stop you from taking care of her."   
  
"Why doesn't she act like this for you? You're coherent," Aeryn tells me, saying "coherent" like it's some kind of insult.   
  
"It's not that Rose doesn't like you. She depends on you more than she does me. Middle of the night, she starts crying, it takes you a microt to be by her. Maybe I just get her at the good times. By the time I take over, you've taken care of everything. She loves her mama. All babies do. Especially when they've got good ones. If Rose doesn't already know that, she's going to learn quick."   
  
"Mm. You're good to me," she says distantly.   
  
"You deserve it."   
  
She doesn't answer. I look over at her, finding her fast asleep against my shoulder. It's about damn time. She needs it.   
  
I gently lay her down, pulling the blanket over her, and I kiss her lightly on the forehead. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. 


	9. Baby Steps

I'm pretty sure that at any given time, I have no clue where anyone is aboard Moya unless everyone's sleeping. During what passes for day here, they are in the very last place I look. Maybe they do it on purpose. I wouldn't put it past them. All I want to do is check up on them, it's not like anyone has to hide...   
  
After finally asking Pilot where Aeryn and Rose were, I find them in the maintenance bay. Aeryn's inside the cockpit of the Prowler, I can see that much. Of course, she's the only one I can find. "Where's Rose?" I ask her.   
  
"The DRD's are watching her," she tells me.   
  
I look across the room to look where she's pointing. Rose is sitting in the center of three DRD's, playing. She's putting one hand over their lights, trying to see what they'll do. She giggles when one of them backs away, then tries it with the next one. I can hear her laughing even from here.   
  
"She's so cute," I say, smiling as I turn back to Aeryn.   
  
"Not when she's trying to climb the Prowler," Aeryn says. She hops out of the Prowler, dusting off her hands on her pants. "Where have you been?"   
  
"There was an oncoming ship, we thought it might be Peacekeeper. False alarm. Why didn't you answer your comm?"   
  
Frowning, Aeryn checks the collar of her tank, rolling her eyes when she sees the comm badge lying in the middle of the floor. She goes to pick it up and fastens it on. "If there is anything that girl has not made into a toy, I'll be amazed," she tells me. "Just look at the DRD's. I'm sure Pilot's thrilled about that."   
  
"She's probably hinting that she wants more."   
  
"She has enough," she says. "Rygel's threatening to barter them on the next commerce planet. When did we get to the point that Rygel trying to sell our child's toys is part of daily life?"   
  
"It's all part of domestic bliss, Aeryn," I say.   
  
"I don't know how much more domestic we can get," she says, almost groaning. I know she's kidding, though. We've talked about this. As irritating as it must be for an ex-Peacekeeper commando to spend most of her day watching over a ten-month-old baby, I know she loves it. She's told me as much without actually saying it. That's Aeryn for you.   
  
"You know, we _could_ always make it more domestic. Official," I say.   
  
Oh, God.   
  
Did I just say that? Where did that even come from? Those words couldn't have come out of my mouth. Oh, hell, I did say it. Don't get me wrong. It's not like I haven't been thinking about it. Since before Rose was even born I'd been wanting to ask her to marry me, but things just kept happening and... Maybe it was just an excuse, but it worked for me. But who knows, maybe my little slipup is a sign. Okay. Just say it. Now's the right time. Do it.   
  
But damn, I wish I could have started off some other way.   
  
"How?" Aeryn asks.   
  
Dammit. Say it, John. Just say it. "Marriage is usually the next step." There. I said it.   
  
I see the look on her face- total amazement and shock. She didn't see that one coming, that was for sure. "Marriage?" she repeats.   
  
"Yeah. I know you have it in your culture," I say a little teasingly. Am I holding my breath? Stop that. Breathe. Inhale, exhale.   
  
"Why?"   
  
_Why_? Of all the things I expected her to say, "Why?" was not one of them. "Why?" I say, raising my eyebrows at her.   
  
"Yes. Why? We're fine the way we are," Aeryn states. She looks pretty shaken. Oh, God, I shouldn't have asked this. She's not ready, I should have seen that.   
  
Maybe I should end it here. Yeah, right. You can't end a proposal just like that. 'Marry me, Aeryn. Oh, on second thought, forget about it.' "Yeah. Exactly. And I want to make it official," I explain, swallowing hard. "I love you, Aeryn. And I want you, me and Rose to be a family with a more permanent bond."   
  
"So why now?" Aeryn wonders, stammering a bit. "Why not half a cycle ago? Or five cycles from now?"   
  
Good question. "I just realized _how_ badly I want this," I say truthfully, taking her hand. She lets me, but she might not realize that I'm even touching her right now. "You're really going to put me through the ringer on this one, aren't you?"   
  
Aeryn nods, eyes widening. "Oh, yeah. I need some convincing." She sits down on the ground, like that's the only way she's going to stay at least somewhat upright. Well, if nothing else comes out of this, I managed to shock the hell out of her. Story for the grandchildren right here.   
  
At least that isn't a no. "Okay," I say, sitting next to her. It amazes me how quickly I can just jump in and fight for this. But I am. I'm wanting this. And with every time I have to explain myself to her, I'm wanting it more. This is why I love her. That's it, I'm not stopping until I get a yes out of her. I take a deep breath, looking her straight in the eye. I love when she looks vulnerable like this. "I've been thinking about this lately," I begin, trying to let the words just flow. Let her know how I really feel, without censoring myself. "For a long time, actually. A lot. And I can't see my life without you. I can't. When I got here, I never thought I'd be married, or have kids. And... Here I am. I'm in love, and I've got a little girl, and I'm happy." I smile at her. "I want to be able to call you my wife without it being a slip of the tongue."   
  
"You've said that?" Aeryn interrupts.   
  
Yeah, I could deny it, but people have caught me at it. No sense in saying no. "Once or twice," I admit. I wonder how she's going to react to that...   
  
I will never forget the look on Aeryn's face at that. She just looks at me, seeming completely surprised, like it's only now that she realizes how much she means to me. (Well, dammit, Aeryn, what else do I have to do to prove _that_ one to you?)   
  
Keep going. I let my hand tangle in her hair, brushing it gently away from her face. "Aeryn, you have been my friend, my lover, the mother of my child... I would never have made it out here if it wasn't for you. You're the only reason I've survived out here this long. I don't think I would have wanted to if you weren't a part of my life. Aeryn... Will you marry me?"   
  
I watch her with bated breath. This is killing me.   
  
Finally, she slowly shakes her head. "I can't believe you're doing this," she says quietly. She doesn't look convinced, and she doesn't give me any other answer.   
  
"So I'm guessing that's a no," I say, trying to hide my disappointment. Okay, maybe this wasn't the time. I'm going to try again, but not now. I don't think my pride could take any more today.   
  
We sit in silence, except for the beeps and whistles of the DRD's Rose is playing with. Okay, so now what? Where are we supposed to go from here when she apparently doesn't want to go anywhere? I should have expected this answer. I know Aeryn. I know how she gets with stuff like this. Even now. Cycles later, even with a daughter between us, she still gets scared. She's still got problems with the "I love you." She'll say it, but it doesn't come easy to her. Not as much and not about the same things, but... I should realize this by now.   
  
"Yes."   
  
What?   
  
I'm hearing things. Maybe I'm hearing things. I'm surprised I can hear anything, considering I can hear my heart pounding. "What?" I ask, turning back to her.   
  
Aeryn takes a deep breath, exhaling her answer: "Yes."   
  
"Yes? It's a yes?" I ask, still not believing what she's saying.   
  
"How many times do you want me to say it?" she says, a slight smile playing on her lips.   
  
Oh my _God_. She said yes. She said _yes_! I smile widely at her. "One more time."   
  
Aeryn looks almost embarrassed as she says, "Yes."   
  
I can't help it. I kiss her long and hard, partially relieved at hearing that word (and so many times!) and the other part just being ecstatic. I don't know what kind of disaster it would have been if her answer had stayed "no." Aeryn's kissing me back just as hard; I think she's as relieved for this as I am. I pull her closer, closing the distance between us-   
  
"Da."   
  
We only stop at Rose's interruption, like she's trying to get our attention. We break away just in time to see her take a single step towards one of the DRD's. And then she falls backward.   
  
"She's walking," Aeryn says, not sounding too surprised. Rose has been trying it for a while, it was just good timing on her part to actually walk.   
  
"Or at least she was," I say, smiling. "Come here, sweetie."   
  
I'm almost expecting Rose to start crying, but she doesn't. She just gives up on walking it and crawls over, letting Aeryn pull her onto her lap. "It's a big day for you, isn't it?" she asks her.   
  
"Hey, Rose," I say, touching her tiny little nose, "your mommy and daddy are getting married. What do you think about that?"   
  
She looks at me for a split second, then turns her attention back to the DRD's. Looks like the bright yellow moving things are a lot more interesting than her parents right now.   
  
Smiling, Aeryn looks to me. "We're actually doing this," she says.   
  
I nod, touching her face. "You're sure you want to do this?"   
  
"Yes," she says, sounding much more decisive. "I'm sure. We can't just stay as we are forever, can we? It has to go somewhere. I want it to go here."   
  
I still can't believe this is really happening. I pinch myself. "Ow."   
  
"What are you doing?" she asks.   
  
"I'm making sure I'm awake. That this isn't just some dream," I tell her.   
  
Aeryn smiles. "It's real, John. I love you."   
  
"See, now I know I'm dreaming," I tease.   
  
She hits me lightly- it'd probably be a lot harder if she wasn't holding Rose. To prove it, she kisses me again, gently biting my lower lip. "Did that wake you up?" she asks.   
  
"No."   
  
"Then you're not dreaming."   
  
I know, I know, it's real. But sue me, I can't believe it. "I love you," I tell her.   
  
"Say it again," Aeryn says, leaning in toward me.   
  
"How many times do you want me to say it?" I ask her, echoing her earlier words.   
  
"One more time."   
  
"I love you, I love you, I love you," I say, giving her a kiss for each one.   
  
"I only asked for one," she laughs.   
  
"Two to grow on."   
  
Her brow furrows as she mulls that one over. "What does that mean?"   
  
"I have no idea. It's just a saying," I admit. I pause, staring into her eyes. "You know you're going to be stuck with me. And my expressions."   
  
"That's okay," she says. "You're stuck with me. I think we're breaking even."   
  
No. Not even close. I have the better side in this deal.


	10. Something Old, Something New

Part of me keeps wondering how he can do this, and another part of me can't stop wondering why I'm at all surprised. It's just like John to throw me a surprise wedding. I think he is afraid that unless he springs it on me, I won't go through with it. Little does he know I'd do it in a heartbeat, whether he surprised me or not.   
  
Luckily he gave me _some_ warning, in the form of What do you think about getting married today? Great, because everyone else is getting ready now. Damn you, Crichton.   
  
There's nothing to really prepare. It's not going to be this elaborate ceremony, as far as I know, though I wouldn't put it past him. Anything that really had to be done, John took care of it already. But I still feel like there are things I need to do, even if it's only getting myself ready. There's not much I can do about that, either. I don't know much about Sebacean marriage customs (John was better off getting that information from D'Argo than he was from me) and although I like the description of human weddings, we don't have the things we need for it.   
  
Of course, Chiana was just full of ideas when I told her I was going to get ready, and she told me each and every one of them as she took over my quarters. We can't just let this go, just like that. We need to do something special. You know, certain cultures use hairstyles as symbols of luck and fertility, she says, scooping my hair into her hands.   
  
We don't need any more fertility, I say, and glance down at Rose. The poor girl had tired herself out babbling to us and had now fallen asleep on the bed. Smiling, I continue, My hair is fine the way it is. She doesn't know that I already used an oil to scent it. I know John likes when I do that.   
  
Chiana lets go of my hair, sighing in disappointment. Well, you wanted to do something, right? Why not try something that's not going to be boring?   
  
My stomach has been flipping around for over an arn. I'm not going to be bored, I say.   
  
Okay, fine. What about Crichton's old thing?   
  
I stare at her. His what?   
  
Something old, something something... There are a lot of somethings in there, Chiana says.   
  
Now I know what she's talking about. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, I correct her. I had that little rhyme in my head for two days straight before, I know the phrase.   
  
Yeah. The hairstyle's something old, Chiana says, and I glare at her for a moment. Do you have something new?   
  
I have to think about that for a moment. We haven't been down to any commerce planets lately for anything more than food, so I don't think anything-   
  
I look back at my sleeping daughter, who is turned over on her stomach, mouth open, her tiny arms spread out next to her. Rose counts, I say, not taking my eyes off of her. I truly believe that John and I are where we are now because of Rose. Yes, we would have made it here eventually, but we were moving so slowly and we kept creating problems for ourselves. Having Rose made us reevaluate everything we had in each other, and once she was born we didn't have anything to be afraid of anymore.   
  
Chiana looks over at Rose and smiles, then looks back at me. Old, new, what's next?   
  
"Something borrowed," I tell her.   
  
Something borrowed... Chiana immediately leaves, returning a moment later with something. "I borrowed it from that shopkeeper on the last commerce planet," she says proudly.   
  
"I don't know if it counts if it's something stolen," I say doubtfully.   
  
"Fine, then you're borrowing it from me," she says. "What's the next thing?"   
  
"Something blue."   
  
Oh, that's easy. At the same time, Chiana and I both come up with "Zhaan."   
  
Well, that's done. Chiana looks at me, looking as if she's just going to start bouncing around the room at any microt. Are you scared yet? she asks.   
  
At one time I wouldn't have even dignified that with a response. But Chiana and I have come a long way in understanding each other, especially since she adores Rose and loves taking care of her. Strange as it seems sometimes, she's really been there for us, and I'm getting to the point where I can sincerely call her a friend. I still don't trust her completely, but that doesn't mean I'll never be able to.   
  
A little, I admit. I'm not used to this idea.   
  
You've got nothing to be scared of. Crichton loves you. That's all that matters.   
  
I stare at her. I think somewhere deep, deep, deep inside of her is the heart of a romantic. I know.   
  
Pilot's voice comes over the comm.   
  
Here we go. Yes, Pilot, I say, feeling my throat constrict a little.   
  
The ceremony is ready to begin, he says.   
  
John has this saying about rattlers in the stomach. Whatever they are, I think I have them. And they're colonizing. I'll be right there, I inform him.   
  
Chiana picks up Rose to wake her up. Time to get up, little one, she whispers. You get to see your mommy and daddy get married.   
  
Rose, barely awake, answers by burying her head in Chiana's shoulder.   
  
You ready? she asks me.   
  
I take a deep breath and nod. I have been for a long time.


	11. Adventures in Babysitting

"You're sure you'll be okay up here with her?" Aeryn asks. She's asked me about that so many times that I've lost count. Okay, true, I'm shocked and amazed that they're even going anywhere without the kid, but I think the part that scares her is that they're leaving Rose with _me_. If it was Zhaan or D'Argo, they would have no problem with it at all. Which I think is stupid- I'm not _that_ bad. You have to worry about Rose more than you do me.   
  
"We'll be fine," I say, and I see Rose nodding. See, _she_ likes me. "Rygel and Pilot are going to be here."   
  
"You know what? Don't go to Rygel," Crichton says. "Let's not have Sparky giving out babysitting advice."   
  
He's got a point. But anyway... "Go. Before Zhaan and D'Argo leave without you," I say. "Me and Rose are gonna have some fun."   
  
I see Aeryn open her mouth to say something, but Crichton takes her arm, pulling her away. "Comm us if there's any trouble," he calls, and they go to meet the others.   
  
I look at Rose. She's got that look on her face, one I know well. When the parents are gone, she knows what she can get away with. That's why she likes me. "So. What do you want to do?" I ask her.   
  
"Play," she answers with a wide smile.   
  
"My kind of girl! What do you want to play? You outgrew peach-a-boo." Crichton taught her that one a while ago, and she used to love it. Now you cover your eyes and she's gone off to find something more interesting. I think she was born without an attention span.   
  
Rose makes a face to tell me exactly what she thinks of _that_ idea. "Okay, fine," I say. "Remember that game I taught you? The search game?"   
  
"I like that game!" she says, totally excited.   
  
"I'll hide first," I say.   
  
"No, Chia, I wanna hide!" Rose says, pouting.   
  
Fine by me. "Then you hide. Remember the rules. I'll count to fifty microts." I put her down, and turn towards the wall, letting Rose hide. I know where she'll be. She always goes to the nearest storage closet. She loves that hiding place. I start counting, and I can hear her scamper off.   
  
I don't even give her to fifty. At twenty-five I stop and start out of command to the first storage closet. "I found you, Rose," I say, and open the door.   
  
And she's not there.   
  
"Rose?" I call, turning back around. She got a new hiding place. Where did she go? She knows the rules: she can just go down the hallway. So that limits her to the hall, that closet, command, and a couple rooms down at the end.   
  
Let me tell you, after searching all those places, she's not in any of them. Nowhere. She just is gone.   
  
Wonderful. I just lost Crichton and Aeryn's daughter.   
  
It's not like she would have been able to get off Moya. That's a good thing. Problem is, I don't know where in hezmana she is. Time to cheat a little. "Pilot?"   
  
He appears on the screen. "You called?" he says.   
  
"I need a favor. I lost Rose, and I need you to help me find her. You're still showing her somewhere, right?" I say. I hope he's still showing her somewhere...   
  
Pilot pauses as he comes up with the answer. "She... She seems to be between this tier and the one below."   
  
Between? "What do you mean _between_ the tiers?" I ask.   
  
"She appears to have crawled into the ventilation shaft," Pilot says.   
  
Oh, dren. I can just see it now: Aeryn finding out about this, then taking her pulse rifle and shooting me. Okay, gotta get Rose.   
  
"Be right back," I groan, and head towards the nearest shaft. I pull off the covering, sticking my head inside. "Rose? Are you in there?"   
  
"You don't win till you come get me!" I hear her say.   
  
I can't believe this. So _this_ is what Crichton's been warning me about. Probably why he and Aeryn went down to the commerce planet. "I'm not coming in there!" I tell her.   
  
"Then I'm not coming out!"   
  
For a microt I debate leaving her there. That'll teach her. But I can't do that to the poor kid. "Chia, come get me!" she calls. "Don't leave me here."   
  
She's good. She's really good. I sigh. "Can you get our of there yourself?" I ask.   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Then come out."   
  
"No. Come get me!"   
  
I'm never having children. Ever. "I'm serious. Come out!" I say.   
  
"No!"   
  
I'm starting to think of ways to get her out, whether she likes it or not. I don't know how much Pilot can do, and Crichton's right, I am not going to Rygel... Looks like I'm on my own for this one.   
  
I sigh. I can't leave her there, but I can't reach far enough to find her. "Meet me halfway?" I say.   
  
"No."   
  
This is over. "I can't believe I'm doing this," I mutter, and try to squeeze myself into the shaft, hoping I can get out afterwards. How does Rygel do this all the time?   
  
When I finally manage to get inside, half hanging down into the shaft- which is a lot smaller than you might think. And she's still out of reach. "Rose, you're gonna have to help me here," I say. "Take my hand."   
  
She shakes her head. "No."   
  
"I'm telling your mother when she gets back," I threaten.   
  
Rose pauses, considering that. "Mommy likes me," she says confidently.   
  
"And do you want me to leave you here so _she_ can get you out?"   
  
That got her. "I'll come out," she says.   
  
I reach out my hand for her, but she doesn't budge. "No! I'll do it," she says.   
  
Never again. I am never doing this again. Not unless Crichton and Aeryn bribe me with something really good, at least. Sighing, I work my way out of the shaft, managing to work my back into a whole new shape while doing so. And bumping my head on the wall. Ow.   
  
"You can come out now," I say, hoping this wasn't just a trick to get me to leave her alone.   
  
Luckily she's not that far down, and I don't know how, but she actually climbs up the shaft. (Oh, so maybe _that's_ how Rygel does this all the time.) I didn't know a kid her age could do that, but right now I'm glad she can.   
  
And then just when she's about to climb out, she stops. "I'm done," she says.   
  
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" I say.   
  
She just gives me the most evil grin...   
  
Tough. I reach into the shaft, pull her out without smacking her into the wall like I did to myself, and stand her on the floor as I put the covering back on. Later on I will get the DRD's to glue that thing on. Tight.   
  
"You're not leaving my sight," I tell her as I start taking her back to command.   
  
Rose giggles. "You're no fun."   
  
"Yes, I am, just not right now." I pick her up again, not ready to let her walk somewhere that she could get into more trouble. One scare a day is enough for me, thank you.   
  
"Are you really going to tell on me?" she asks, sticking out her lower lip.   
  
That look doesn't work on me. I have perfected that look. "Not unless you're good," I tell her. "Otherwise, I tattle."   
  
She lets out a sigh, like I've just asked her to do the impossible. I'm starting to wonder if that _is_ the impossible for her. "I'll try."   
  
"Good," I say.   
  
"Can I play in Daddy's ship?" she asks suddenly.   
  
"Does your father let you play in there?"   
  
"Uh huh."   
  
Liar. "No, he doesn't," I say. She's not getting away with this. Doesn't work on me.   
  
"Please? I asked nicely," Rose says.   
  
"That's nice. You're not going anywhere near there. I plan to live through the day."   
  
"I won't tell," she says in a sing-song voice.   
  
"Nope. It's not going to work, no matter how much you try," I say. "We're going to pretend like today didn't scare me until your parents come home."   
  
She really doesn't like that, and tries to get me to put her down. "Come on, Chia, put me down," she says. "I'll cry."   
  
"I know that technique well."   
  
As we get to command, I put her down. "Pilot, close the doors," I say, and he does so.   
  
He's back on the little screen. (One day I'll ask what that thing is called.) "I see you found her," he says.   
  
"And she's staying found," I say, looking pointedly at Rose.   
  
She answers me by crossing her arms and pouting. I don't know how she thinks this is going to work. I just about invented her routine, trust me.   
  
"The transport just arrived," Pilot says. "You won't have to keep watch on her for long."   
  
You can't imagine how relieved I am at that. How long was I fighting with her in there? They took no time at all to get back.   
  
"You're no fun, either," Rose tells him.   
  
I don't think Pilot cares.   
  
She ignores me till Crichton and Aeryn come back through the door, and then she jumps up and runs to them, hugging their legs. "What'd you do to her?" Crichton asks me, smiling.   
  
"I'm chaining her to a table next time," I tell him.   
  
Aeryn looks at Crichton. "Why didn't we think of that?" she asks.   
  
I can think of a few reasons. "Anything she tells you isn't true," I warn, on my way out.   
  
"I'm sure. You might want to help D'Argo and Zhaan unload the supplies," Aeryn tells me, picking Rose up. That girl gets picked up so much, I'm amazed her feet have ever been on the ground for more than a microt.   
  
Sure. "Watch me run," I say, making sure the sarcasm is obvious. Uh uh. I'm gonna enjoy the silence for a good long time...   
  
"Chia," Rose says, and she gives me a huge smile when I look at her. "I win!"


	12. A Christmas Story

I don't even have to open my eyes to know that the light is on. I wouldn't be awake if it wasn't for that light. And if I open my eyes and see the light, I know I won't be able to get back to sleep. This is already the second time she's done this, and it's not working this time, either.   
  
Beside me, I hear John groan. Is it still dark outside? he asks.   
  
says Rose.   
  
Then go back to bed.   
  
Wake us when it's morning, I tell her, not completely sure that I'm actually saying those words and not thinking them. I'd really rather be asleep.   
  
It's morning _now_, she says impatiently.   
  
John sits up, causing the bed to shift. I'm silently pleading for him not to move anymore, because I can feel it here on my side. I don't want to be any more awake than I already am. We were both up half the night with Rose as she was counting down the arns till it was technically Christmas. And now I'd rather sleep. (I know, I know... Those who trained me to be a Peacekeeper would see me now and be shocked and ashamed. Too bad. That was before I had a child. I'd be willing to bet that none of them would be able to handle the life I'm leading right now.)   
  
John says, I tried the same thing when I was little. It didn't work on my parents, and it's not going to work on me.   
  
I tell him.   
  
It's not going to work on us, he corrects himself. Go back to bed. And turn off the light.   
  
Rose sighs. I'll be back.   
  
We know, I mutter, seconds before falling back asleep.   
  
Is it morning yet?   
  
Not again. Not enough sleep, not enough sleep... I'd be a lot better about this if this girl would actually let either of us get any sleep. Finally opening my eyes, I look towards the window, then blink a couple times to let my eyes adjust to the light. Well, it's morning.   
  
John's still asleep, so Rose comes by me. It's morning, she says. See? Morning. She starts pulling at the blankets, trying to yank them off of me. Mom... Please?   
  
There's no chance that she's going to let me get out of this, I know it. I'm getting up, I say.   
  
It's about time, Rose says, but she hugs me as I sit up. She smiles widely.   
  
I don't let her go yet. She woke me up this early, the least I can do is tease her a little. Who says I'm letting you leave? I tell her, and pull her onto my lap so she can't get away.   
  
Her eyes widen in terror. Mom! You wouldn't!   
  
She's right, I wouldn't. I smile and let her down. You've convinced me. Go on, we'll be right there.   
  
Rose runs off before I have the chance to change my mind.   
  
I look to John, who's still sleeping. Sometimes it amazes me what that man can sleep through. I shake him lightly to wake him. His response is simply a groan. If I have to be awake, so do you, I tell him.   
  
I hear him sigh, and he rolls onto his back. One more arn, that's all I ask, he says, not even opening his eyes.   
  
You're starting to sound like Rose, I say.   
  
He doesn't move. I lean over to kiss him, and when I pull back, his eyes are open. Good morning, he says with a smile.   
  
I tell him. Now get up. We're in this together, right?   
  
John rubs a hand over his face. Okay, okay. Give me a minute.   
  
Don't you dare go back to sleep, I say. I finally drag myself out of bed, and go into the next room, where Rose looks about ready to start bouncing. Is Dad coming? she asks.   
  
I'm right here, John says, standing behind me in the doorway. Go ahead and start.   
  
That's all Rose needs. Without delay, she starts tearing into her gifts.   
  
Apparently I'm the only one in this family that doesn't understand Christmas. John has tried to explain it to me several times, but I can't see why this holiday is so popular on Earth. Every cycle these people cut down a tree for no reason other than to put it in their homes and decorate it, and store gifts under it. I understand the concept of gifts, but why on this day? And why bother to decorate them? They leave these wrapped packages under the aforementioned decorated tree for days or weekens to tease the person the gift is for by not letting them know what it is? The person the gift is for just ends up opening the present anyway, and ruining the decoration. I'm not even sure why this day is a holiday. John told me it was to celebrate the birth of a religious leader, which makes the concept of the tree and presents more confusing. And where does this Santa Claws come in? Something about giving presents, but you're the one buying them. (Rose didn't understand that, either. According to her, But I know they're all from you. The Santa Claws idea was abandoned cycles ago.)   
  
John didn't get into Christmas while we were on Moya. Every so often, around the same time each cycle, he'd enter what he called the holiday blues. (Don't ask me what that means, either.) But he didn't make an event out of it besides telling more stories, and I have to admit, his Christmas stories are my favorites. But when Rose was born, everything changed. Even though I know John can't celebrate it the way he did on his planet, he does what he can for Rose. She absolutely loves this, and so we both try to make the day special for her.   
  
She goes through the presents like she will burst if she doesn't open them at record speed. Her face lights up every time she sees what the next one is. I may not understand this holiday, or its symbols, or its traditions... But watching our little girl now, I'm glad John brought it with him.   
  
You know, John says, putting his arms around me, this may not be the traditional Christmas, with the right tree and the egg nog and the snow-   
  
I repeat. I don't remember him mentioning that before.   
  
He smiles. Something tells me you'd like it. It's kind of like rain, but prettier. And colder. But anyway, as I was saying. I think I like this version of Christmas better.   
  
That surprises me, considering I know how much he misses his home.   
  
Well, for one, I'm not going to spend the next six months paying off credit cars bills, he grins. Besides, I wouldn't have my two favorite girls on Earth, would I?   
  
Yeah, I definitely love him. Merry Christmas, John, I say.   
  
Merry Christmas, Aeryn.


	13. Let's Try This Again

Mom! Dad!   
  
I can hear Aeryn groan and I'm tempted to do the same thing. We both know what this is about- we've been through it several times already tonight. Do you want to go this time, or should I? I ask her, rubbing at my eyes.   
  
Maybe if we both go, she'll get the idea, Aeryn says. That's the cue for both of us to groggily drag ourselves out of bed.   
  
When we get to Rose's room, she's sitting up in bed, hugging her covers. What is it? I ask her.   
  
I heard something growling at me, Rose says.   
  
I can see Aeryn roll her eyes just before she leaves the room. Wow. She must have really had it up to there. There's no monster under your bed, I say, going over to sit next to my daughter.   
  
Watch your feet, she warns, carefully leaning forward to make sure nothing reaches out to bite my toes.   
  
No problem, I say, too tired to actually move my feet. If the is hungry, I'm too tired right now to notice it snacking on my toes.   
  
She knows there's no monster. As antisocial as Rose is with the other children in the colony, she's known for scaring them all with stories of monsters and bad guys. Basically all the things she's been faking being scared of lately. Let me tell you, this girl is fearless when it comes to the bad guys. Problem is, I'm not sure whether she's acting out because of everything she's seen in her life so far and it's some deep-rooted psychological problem that's going to rear its ugly head in twenty years, or if she just doesn't want to go to bed.   
  
It's clear what Aeryn's thinking when she walks back into the room a second later, carrying a pulse rifle. If there's a monster under the bed, it won't be there for long, she says. Aeryn drops to the floor, looking under the bed, and emerges after a moment. Scared it away. Go to sleep.   
  
I'm trying to hide my smile, but Rose just looks annoyed. You heard your mother, I say. Now it's time both of us have decided that this little episode is over. For now. Aeryn and I both kiss her good night for the third time. Maybe the fourth time by now.   
  
I close the door slightly, turning off the light, and we walk back to our room together. She never slept through the night as a baby, why should she do it now? I grumble, crawling back into bed.   
  
And you want another one? Aeryn counters. We can't sleep through the night _now_.   
  
I know, I know. Fine, she's an only child. I'm good with that.   
  
Aeryn lays next to me and I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close. We should be able to get a good arn's sleep before the monster shows up again, I say.   
  
Enough talking, she says, yawning.   
  
No problem.   
  
The next thing I hear is the voice of my six-year-old. What a shock. I open my eyes, and she's standing next to the bed, shaking my shoulder to wake me up. I'm up, I'm up. What's wrong now? I mumble, blinking.   
  
I had a bad dream, Rose says.   
  
You mean you actually went to sleep? Aeryn asks with a groan.   
  
Can I sleep with you guys? she asks, ignoring her. (If she even heard her.)   
  
She knows neither one of us will tell her no, so I let her crawl over me to get under the covers with us. Do you promise to go to sleep? Aeryn asks her. She sounds as exhausted as I feel.   
  
Uh huh, says Rose, pulling more of the blankets onto herself.   
  
All right, now do so. Good night.   
  
Night, Mom. Night, Dad.   
  
Night, sweetie, I tell her, and close my eyes. I hope this means I'm actually going to stay asleep this time.   
  
No such luck. Duh. This time it's because of a hand landing across my face. I want to groan, but that's not going to happen. If I make any noise, I know it'll wake Rose up, and I am _not_ playing this game again.   
  
Gently, and _very_ slowly, I lift Rose's arm from my face, placing it at her side. I sit up just enough to make sure that Aeryn's still asleep. She is. Good. She needs it.   
  
I stay there for a moment, looking at my wife and daughter. The house is almost _never_ quiet. Rose always has to be doing something, and she usually has to be telling us all about it at the same time. And we can't tell her we'll talk about it later- we have to watch her _every second_. Otherwise she wanders off on her own and gets in trouble, and I get to calm Aeryn down.   
  
And no, Aeryn wasn't quite this protective before we got here. On Moya, Zhaan was there in case something happened, and she knew enough about Rose's biology to know what to do for her. On the colony, we're always on the lookout for Peacekeepers, just in case they manage to track us down. And when Rose gets sick, we have to be very careful that the doctor doesn't stumble across the fact that she's not a hundred percent Sebacean. I can see why Aeryn worries and I can't blame her. I worry, too. I just let her do most of it.   
  
I can see Rose move her little hand across her face,and she looks at me, not expecting to see me awake. I say quietly.   
  
Rose says, taking on the same volume I'm using. I had another bad dream.   
  
Do you want to talk about it? I ask her.   
  
Uh uh. I'd rather go outside. Can I go outside?   
  
I glance out the window, even though I know what time it is. It's the middle of the night, Rosie. You're not going outside.   
  
she asks. This isn't the first time she's asked to go out when it's still dark out. According to her, there are less people to deal with then. (Yes, I'm aware she's got issues.) Then she pulls out the big guns- her Little Lost Puppy Dog Face.   
  
I tell her. I'm not caving to the little lost puppy dog face. Aeryn will be so proud.   
  
But I don't _wanna_ go back to sleep, Rose whines, a little louder.   
  
Sh, don't wake up your mom, I say, glancing over at Aeryn. Did I say you had to go to sleep yet?   
  
So I can stay up? She likes this idea.   
  
As long as you stay up right here.   
  
Even in the dim light from the window, I can see her pouting a little. You're no fun.   
  
I have to smile, and I hope she doesn't see that. The last thing I want her thinking is that I encourage this. So are you going to tell me about this dream? I ask.   
  
I already told you. Nope, she says, shaking her head.   
  
I know she's not going to sleep again till she's not thinking about the dreams anymore. We've been through this before, too. (Several times, actually. I'm blaming this on her too-vivid imagination. I would never stifle that imagination, but it'd be nice to get some sleep for once.) Was I in it? I ask.   
  
  
  
What about your mom?   
  
Uh uh.   
  
You're going to make me ask you about every single person we know, huh? I say with a smile.   
  
I know she's smiling. She loves to tease, can you tell?   
  
I could always tickle it out of you, I threaten, moving like I'm going to tickle her.   
  
Rose doesn't budge. And then you'll wake up Mom and I won't be in trouble, you will, she counters. The girl is good- she knows how cause and effect works. Why do you want me to tell you?   
  
Because it's better to talk about things than keep all the bad or scary feelings to yourself, I say. Okay, I _know_ I'm sounding like my dad now. I don't know if they have shrinks in the Uncharted Territories, but if you ever ask me to pay your therapist bill, I'm gonna say I told you so.   
  
I don't remember the dream anymore, she says.   
  
Really? Or are you just trying to get me to shut up?   
  
No. I don't remember. You talk too much, Rose tells me. You made me forget.   
  
I love this kid.   
  
I know, I know, go to sleep, Rose says, rolling over.   
  
Good girl.   
  
It takes a minute, but I can tell when Rose goes back to sleep. Okay, good. And with that done, I can at least sleep for a couple arns before daylight. I close my eyes, and wouldn't you know it, half an hour later, I'm still awake. I'm tired, and my eyes like being closed, but I'm no closer to getting any sleep than I was when the monster first showed up. Frell. And she does this all the time, too.   
  
She asleep? Aeryn mumbles from across the bed.   
  
I tell her.   
  
Why aren't you asleep? she asks, and I see her roll over to face me, _very slowly_, like any sudden movement will put us right back at square one with Rose.   
  
Same reason you aren't, I tell her. Think she'll ever end up sleeping through the night?   
  
Aeryn says. It sounds like she's come to a concrete decision about this. I wish I could see her face so I could tell whether she's joking. Never. It's a habit now. She'll be an insomniac for the rest of her life.   
  
Wonderful. Great thought to put in my head. Thank you so much, Aeryn. "Okay," I say. Sighing, I get out of bed and get ready to start the day way too early. Again. "Your turn to deal with her. I'm making breakfast."  
  
"You do that," Aeryn says, not budging from her current position. She's going back to sleep. I know she is.   
  
Lucky her.


	14. Solitary Confinement

I hate being punished. Hate it. It's not fair. I never do anything that bad and I'm always getting in trouble. Do you know what they do to me? They're so mean. They make me sit in a corner and I can't talk to _anybody_.   
  
See? Mean.   
  
I'm not supposed to turn around, but it's not fun looking at the wall. I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored. I turn around, looking if Mom or Dad is anywhere around. Nope. Good. I turn around in the chair, looking for something to play with. I don't see anything. There's never anything good around here. Fine. I don't need to do anything. I just don't want to look at the wall anymore.   
  
When no one comes in for a while, I get brave. I stand up and take two steps away from the chair. Nothing. I'm not caught. I take a couple more steps, looking and listening real hard. A couple more steps. I'm not going anywhere. I just don't want to sit down and I really don't want to look at that stupid wall.   
  
I hear footsteps from the hall and I run for the chair, but I knock it into the wall. It makes a loud noise and I fall on my knees. Before I can get up, my mom is standing at the door with that look on her face. Uh oh.   
  
"Did you hurt yourself?" she asks, and helps me up.   
  
I shake my head.   
  
"Okay. Now if you stay in your chair, you will continue to not hurt yourself."   
  
"But I-"   
  
She raises an eyebrow and I shut up. Two words. I got to say two words. It's better than nothing.   
  
I sit down, and after a microt Mom leaves again. Great. Alone again.   
  
This isn't fair. Anytime I do anything they don't like, they make me do this. It drives me crazy. I don't do anything bad. I'm a good girl. Maybe this wasn't the nicest thing to do, but still. I don't deserve this.   
  
Maybe I should try crying. I'm getting desperate. I tried crying once, when I was still a little kid, and it didn't work. My mom told me I was being silly and she knew I was faking, and then my dad told me to clean up my toys when I was done. See? They're mean. And it doesn't work if I get mad, either. When I tried that, Dad said angry didn't work on me. I didn't try that again, I don't know why. I'm running out of ways to get out of stuff.   
  
I'm bored. There's nothing on the wall. It's just plain boring white. There's nothing on it. We never put anything up or bought anything in case we have to leave quick. All my toys are downstairs so they can watch me, so I don't even have anything to do here. I used to have stuff to play with in here, but one time I got punished and I started drawing on the wall. I made it pretty, but Mom and Dad weren't too happy. My drawing's still up on the wall, but it's not in the corner I'm supposed to look at.   
  
I bet it's been arns since I was put here. This is torture. I want to do something. I wonder what Mom and Dad are doing. I'm going to forget how to talk soon. "This isn't fair," I say, and am happy when my voice works. I forgot what it sounded like. "I didn't even do anything wrong. I never do anything right. I'm always in the corner. And it's for no reason."   
  
"I hear talking," calls my dad from outside somewhere. Are they waiting by the door? Waiting for me to do something so they can leave me here for even longer? I've been here a whole day already.   
  
I glare at the door, but I don't see Dad there. Good. I'd probably get even more time in the corner. I'm going to spend my whole life in this corner. I hate this corner. And I bet this corner hates me. If corners could talk, I bet it would be saying I was wrong. The corner's mean, too. "I hate you, corner," I say, but I say it quiet so no one will yell at me. The corner doesn't answer me. Stupid corner.   
  
I'm bored. They're trying to make me go crazy by being bored. Maybe if I stare at the wall long enough it'll make me boring. I open my eyes real wide and stare at the plain white boring wall, and see how long I can go without blinking. It's a long time, but when my eyes start hurting I start blinking again. I almost made myself cry. If crying did me any good, that would be a good start.   
  
I sigh loudly, and kick my feet at the wall. I am so bored. Well, if they're going to keep me here- how long has it been, days? If they're going to keep me here, I'm going to do have fun.   
  
I think for a minute, and then start singing. "We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine! We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine!"   
  
I don't remember all the words. Good. Maybe they'll be annoyed. I sing louder. "We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine! WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE! A YELLOW SUBMARINE! A YELLOW SUBMARINE!"   
  
No one says anything. That's new. Okay, then I'm going to keep doing it. I sing as loud as I can until my voice doesn't want to last anymore. When my throat starts to hurt, I stop. And I get to be bored again.   
  
It's a couple more arns till anyone comes in. I ignore my dad till he's right in front of me. "Okay, Rose," he says, "are you done now?"   
  
I nod.   
  
"Good. We gave you an extra fifteen minutes in here. That's what happens when you don't follow the rules. Get it?" Dad asks.   
  
I nod again.   
  
"Did you think about what you did?"   
  
Another nod. Yeah. I didn't do anything wrong.   
  
"You can talk now, sweetie," Dad says.   
  
"I'm never going to punish anyone," I tell him. "It's mean."   
  
He stares at me a little. "So hitting a kid because he called you a name isn't punishing him?"   
  
"But he called me a freak," I tell him, crossing my arms.   
  
"But it's mean. Do you get that? You might not be happy with me and your mom right now, but we didn't hurt you. And while I admire your right hook, that wasn't the right thing to do," he says.   
  
Oh. "So what if he says it again?" I ask quietly.   
  
"Hm. Well, then, you could just not say anything at all, and he'll probably leave you alone. Or just tell him that at least you're not boring. And walk away before he can say anything. That should bug him." Dad smiles a little, but stops. "One thing you're gonna have to learn is that a lot of people will say or do things that make you mad. You just have to be better than them."   
  
"I can do that," I say.   
  
"Good girl. Are you ready to look at something besides the wall?"   
  
I jump out of the chair. Dad laughs a little, and takes my hand as we start walking out of my room. "Are you going to do anything that ends you up in that chair again?" he asks me.   
  
"No," I say, shaking my head. "Not unless they try to hit first."   
  
I can hear my dad sigh.


	15. Revelations

If I can't sleep at night, I bother my parents. It's tradition.   
  
So instead of laying there waiting for the monsters to get me, I jump out of bed and run to the door, not giving them the chance. I hear Mom and Dad talking and follow their voices to the living room. I'm just about to interrupt when I see how they're sitting. My dad is sitting behind my mom against the wall, playing with her hair. They're so cute. I decide to watch them instead of bothering them.   
  
I get as close to the doorway as I can without them seeing me, and I try to hear them better. Then I realize they're talking about me.   
  
"She's not happy here. None of us are," Mom says, keeping her voice quiet.   
  
"What do you expect us to do, Aeryn? We came here for a reason. It doesn't do any good to pack up and go back to where our daughter's getting shot at," Dad tells her.   
  
"So we stay here until we're completely paranoid and Rose refuses to socialize with anyone? We're not doing her any good."   
  
"If I remember right, you were the one that suggested leaving," Dad says.   
  
"I made a mistake," Mom says, sounding a little mad. "I thought it would be protecting her. It doesn't look like a good tradeoff."   
  
I feel bad that they're fighting over me. But I can't help it that I don't like it here. I don't like the people. I don't trust them. I'm not sorry about that. I just don't like them fighting when it's about me. I don't like them fighting at all. I don't know why I'm still watching.   
  
They get quiet, and Dad stops playing with my mom's hair to put his arms around her. "She thinks she's all alone," Mom says after a few microts. "She thinks that's bad, and that she's bad for being different."   
  
"How do you figure that?" Dad asks.   
  
"She told me."   
  
I forgot about that. I talk to my mom a lot, and I tell her almost everything. Maybe I should stop that. It makes her worry.   
  
Mom keeps talking. "She's unhappy, John, and she hates it here. I'm scared to see what will happen if it keeps up like this. The fact is, she's not alone. She's not even the only Sebacean/human hybrid. She needs to know these things."   
  
Are they still talking about me? Why didn't I hear this before? Frowning, I inch closer.   
  
"Don't bring this up now, Aeryn." Dad lets go of her, standing up, and I have to hide behind the doorway again to keep them from seeing me.   
  
"I'm bringing it up," she says, not moving. "The more I talk with Rose, the more I know that she needs to hear this, and she needs to hear it from you."   
  
"No. We've been through this. We don't know what Rose's life expectancy will be, she might never even be around for her to be born."   
  
"Or maybe she could. She deserves to know she has a sister, John."   
  
I couldn't have heard that right. Why wouldn't they tell me I had a sister? Little sister or big sister? Where is she? Why don't I know about her? I want to run away and hide under my covers and pretend I'm dreaming, but I can't move. I want to hear this.   
  
"I've made up my mind. She's my daughter, and-"   
  
"And Rose is _our_ daughter," Mom says, finally standing up.   
  
Dad holds out his arms, like he doesn't know what to do. "If this gets out, it's like the collapse of a society. Chaos. Total chaos."   
  
"Frell their society. The only one I'm worried about is the girl sleeping down the hall," she tells him. "You think both of them aren't going to go through this? Secrets always come out, and they hurt when they do. All the problems we've had trying to keep it a secret that Rose isn't fully Sebacean, trying to hide that even from doctors... You think that girl won't have the same problems? It's not going to be any easier for her."   
  
"That's not an argument," Dad says, his voice a little louder. "They're not going to let her know I'm her father, they're not going to let her know about Rose."  
  
"If you don't want her to find out, keep your voice down," Mom says calmly.   
  
Dad gets quiet and walks over to the couch to sit down. He looks tired. I feel bad for him.   
  
Mom sits next to him, putting her hand on his knee. "Some day, she will find out, John. She is a very smart girl. The sooner we tell her, the easier it'll be for everyone."   
  
I don't need to hear anymore. I feel a little like I'm going to throw up. I don't want to hear any more fighting, and I'd rather deal with the monsters under my bed. I tiptoe back to my room as quiet as I can and get back into bed.   
  
I can't hear them talking anymore. Good. When I have enough guts, I'll ask Mom about this. Maybe she'll tell me what's going on.


	16. Girl Talk

I know she's watching me. She does that a lot. I can see her out of the corner of my eye, standing in the doorway and watch as I pound on the punching bag. As far as I know, she has no idea that I'm aware of her being there. That's what she does, and she isn't hurting anyone, so I don't say anything.   
  
This time, Rose doesn't just leave without saying anything. "Mom?"   
  
"Yes?" I say, delivering one last punch.   
  
"Can I talk to you?"   
  
She gets that from her father. "Sure," I tell her, tossing my gloves onto the floor before going to her.   
  
Rose sits on the floor, and I follow her lead. "Leran likes me," she says finally. "How do I get him to stop?"   
  
I resist the urge to smile. "You can't _make_ someone stop liking you," I say. "In most cases, anyway. Why do you want him to stop liking you?"   
  
"Because he's icky. Everyone here is icky."   
  
"Icky?" I repeat, raising my eyebrows. I'm assuming that's another Earth term she's picked up. "You know, Rose, you're going to meet a lot of people that you don't like, or don't like you, or who are icky. And the only way to deal with them- besides killing them- is to just deal with them. Even boys who have crushes on you."   
  
"But I don't _want_ him to," Rose says, pouting a little.   
  
"Trust me," I say, "the day will come when you don't think that way anymore."   
  
"Did you used to think like this, too?" she asks, resting her head against my arm.   
  
Like I remember something like that. "I'm sure when I was your age, I thought boys were icky, too," I say. How did she get me saying "icky"?   
  
"And just look at you now."   
  
I can't help but to smile at that. She's right.   
  
"So," Rose begins slowly, "why don't you think Dad is icky?"   
  
Oh, thank you. How do I answer that one? "Because he's not," I say finally.   
  
"And it's not a spec... speez..."   
  
"Species?" I say. New word for her, but I get the gist of what she's saying.   
  
"Species. That's what I said. And it's not a species thing? You don't think humans are icky?" she says.   
  
"No. You don't have to worry about that." The odds are slim to none that she's going to find another human out here, so there goes that.   
  
"Well, what if I'm icky?"   
  
Aha, one of those hidden insecurities. She's an amazingly self-assured little girl, but every once in a while she'll remind us that she really is just a little girl. "There is nothing wrong with you, Rose," I assure her, putting my arm around her.   
  
"But I'm different," she tells me.   
  
"Yes, you are. Consider it a good thing. Life would be pretty boring if everyone was the same." Trust me, I speak from experience.   
  
She nods, accepting that answer. "So why'd we leave Moya to come _here_?" she prods.   
  
Not this again. "You know why," I remind her.   
  
"But everyone's the same and I don't like anyone. Let's go back. I can take the bad guys."   
  
I know, don't encourage her in deciding she can beat anyone she meets. Her ego will only get inflated, and then someone will come along to prove her wrong. I'm not planning on letting that happen. "Maybe, but we're not taking any chances with you. You are too special to be put at risk."   
  
She's not happy with that. She crosses her arms, saying simply, "Save it for the kids."   
  
Rose is silent for a long time, and I _know_ she's going to try to floor me with something. And she does. "Are you going to have a baby?" she asks.   
  
Where did that come from? "No," I say, half-panicked even at the suggestion. "What brought that on?"   
  
"I can't figure it out. I heard you and Dad fighting last weeken about my sister," Rose says.   
  
For a microt I think my heart has stopped beating. No, there it goes again. We hadn't told her about John's daughter; although I thought she should know, that was a subject John didn't want to discuss. But if Rose knew, she'd make sure he talked about it. I'm not looking forward to that conversation. "Your sister?" I repeat.   
  
"Where is she? Why don't I know her?" she asks.   
  
I sigh, trying to figure out exactly what I can say. I can't refuse to tell her, but there's a reason I  
didn't go against John's wishes to keep this quiet. "Well," I start, "she's hasn't been born yet. Won't be for a long time. She doesn't even technically exist yet."   
  
Rose frowns. "So how is she my sister?"   
  
"You're half-sisters. You have the same father, but different mothers," I say, hoping she doesn't keep on that subject. John can handle that question.   
  
"So... when she's born, I'll be old," she says. "Will I be able to meet her?"   
  
"You might," I say. "If you want to. And you know what? Any other questions will have to wait until your father gets home."   
  
"Okay," Rose says reluctantly. "There aren't any more kids, are there?"   
  
"Not that I know of."   
  
"Well, then you should have more kids."   
  
"Not you too," I mutter. You would not believe how many times I've been told that. It gets old fast.   
  
She must see the expression on my face. "You're a good mom. You should spread it around," she explains.   
  
All right, that I can deal with. I'm a little flattered by it, in fact. "That's easy when I've got a good daughter," I say with a smile.   
  
"I thought I was a monster," she says.   
  
"No, monsters are the things you think live under your bed," I tell her. "You're just a brat."   
  
"Is that good?"   
  
"In your case it is." I glance at her quickly. "Anything else you want to shock me with?   
  
I didn't expect her to actually answer. Was I an accident? Rose asks.   
  
Wow. She loves dropping bombshells today.   
  
I say immediately, even through my shock. Why would you even think that?   
  
She shrugs. I think too much.   
  
Yes, she does, but I'm not going to discourage her. Let me tell you something, Rose, I begin, you were always loved. You were never an accident. You're here because your father and I wanted you to be. It's as simple as that.   
  
she says slowly. So I'm not why you don't want to have any more kids?   
  
I shake my head emphatically. It makes more sense now. She hears about her sister, starts wondering if she's even supposed to be here, and whether or not she's intruding on our lives. I never said any of that, I say. If I never have another child, you are not the reason.   
  
We sink into silence, and after a moment Rose decides she's on a roll. When can we go back to Moya?   
  
Figures she would get back on this subject. We've been through this, I say. We've been through this in the last ten minutes.   
  
Just for a visit. I just want to see everyone. That's it, I swear.   
  
Honestly, I wouldn't mind going back to Moya for a while. I think that I may have to bring that up to John. It really has been too long since we were there last. We'll see, I tell her.   
  
She knows not to push it anymore. Can I watch you practice? she asks.   
  
No harm in that, I say, and stand up. Do you feel any better?   
  
Yeah. Can you teach me some stuff?   
  
It's against my better judgment, but I know she's good with this kind of thing; I don't know how many times John or I have caught her trying to beat that punching bag. Come here, I say, and hand her my gloves.   
  
This should keep her busy for a while. And I know the less time she has to mull this all over her, the easier it will be on John when he has to talk to her.


	17. To Tell the Truth

I walk in the door and the first words out of my wife's mouth are, "She knows."   
  
It takes a second for me to figure out what she's talking about, but the realization floods into me quickly. "You told her?" I ask.   
  
Aeryn shakes her head, getting up from her position on the sofa to walk over to me. "She heard us fighting about it the other night. She asked me about it."   
  
Oh, God. And here I was hoping to never have to have this conversation. "What did you tell her?"   
  
"She knows that this is her half-sister, and she knows what it means, and that she won't be born for a long time. I told her to talk with you about it."   
  
"Thanks, Aeryn," I grumble. "Damn, I'm not ready for this."   
  
She touches my arm tightly. "You can't stall anymore. If she heard us talking, she knows too much to let it slide."   
  
I know this. It had to happen eventually. I just hoped Rose would be like thirty. Or at least at an age where I knew she would understand what I was telling her. I'm not sure a six-year-old can.   
  
She's in back, Aeryn says. She knows I'm trying not to move my feet yet.   
  
Knowing if I stay here any longer I'll have to deal with Aeryn, I decide to get this over with. I walk out to the porch, where Rose is sitting on the stairs. I don't know that I've ever seen her this still. Oh, this is not going to be easy.   
  
Hey, Rosie, I say, sitting next to her.   
  
Are you going to tell me now? she asks.   
  
Even if this _had_ been easy to begin with, Rose doesn't seem to want to let me off on this one. I nod. Yeah, I'm going to tell you now.   
  
  
  
If it wasn't for that look on her face I would never even think to tell her the full truth. No one this young should have to hear this. Then again, she's not a normal kid, by any stretch of the imagination. That still doesn't mean she gets to hear about her father getting decapitated.   
  
I say, and take a deep breath, trying to settle that cold feeling in the pit of my stomach. Years ago we ended up on a royal planet. The princess there had to get married, but her DNA was all messed up, so she couldn't find someone who could be her husband. My DNA worked with hers, so I had to marry her.   
  
Rose looks horrified. See? I knew this would happen. You said everything, I remind her.   
  
Keep going, she says, closing her jaw.   
  
Damn. I was hoping she wouldn't want to hear anymore. We had to be frozen for eighty years, I continue. But I got unfrozen and they couldn't put me back. Then I found out that the princess was going to have a baby.   
  
She's breaking my heart, she really is. Rose knows where babies come from, and she's _not_ happy about this.   
  
I cut her off. They used my DNA. I had no part in it. I didn't know what they were going to do.   
  
Rose looks like she's going to cry. So where are they now? she asks.   
  
The princess is with the man she really loves. He took my place. And since the baby won't be born for a long time, he's going to be her father, I say. Another reason I didn't want to tell her. If it's hurting her, imagine what it's doing to me. I haven't talked about this in depth since it first happened, and it's killing me.   
  
She gets quiet again, and I hesitantly put my arm around her. I'm surprised she lets me. I did get to see her, though, I say quietly. They have this cool technology. I got to see her, and she's beautiful. She looks so much like you.   
  
Why didn't you tell me? Rose asks.   
  
Because it hurts, I say honestly. I didn't want to have to put you through it, and I didn't want to have to say it.   
  
It's good you did, Rose says, and scrambles onto my lap. Will I get to see her?   
  
Maybe. But it'll be a long time, and they'll probably say they don't know me, I tell her. But if you want to find her, it's up to you. That's another thing that's probably going to haunt me. Knowing how Rose is, she'll one day search her out, whether her sister wants to see her or not. Meaning when my daughters meet- and if Rose decides they will, trust me, they will- I won't be around to see it.   
  
Does she have a name?   
  
I shake my head. I debated for a long time giving her a name just for me to call her in my head, but it just made her more real. I couldn't do it.   
  
If I say Leslie, I mean my sister, Rose states proudly.   
  
I stare at her.   
  
Like your mom. I know it's bad luck because she's dead but we can't get more bad luck, she says.   
  
Is she trying to make me cry? If she keeps this up... I pull my little girl into a hug. You know I love you, right? I say, kissing her on the forehead.   
  
Rose nods. Love you too, Dad. Anything else you need to say? she asks suspiciously.   
  
I smile. No, not that I can think of.   
  
She gets up and goes into the house, and only then do I see that Aeryn's standing at the door. How did it go? she asks.   
  
I wave her over to sit next to me, and when she does, I hold her for a long time. Are you all right? Aeryn finally asks.   
  
I will be once I've recovered, I say. I pull away from her, absently playing with her ponytail. We've got a good kid, Aeryn.   
  
She nods. I know.   
  
I keep my arm around her, needing some kind of contact with her right now. Her hand moves to my waist, apparently knowing this. She named her sister Leslie, I say.   
  
Aeryn looks me in the eye. It's a good name, she says, and holds me tighter.


	18. Surprise

I need a hug.   
  
Any time I come home from playing with the other kids in the colony, I come home wanting a big hug and a long story. I think I deserve it. It's all I ask for. They're not mean to me or anything, I just don't like them. I know it's not good, but I can't help it, and I'm not sorry.   
  
I run home from the next house, not wanting to waste any time in getting home. Catching my breath, I open the front door in time to hear my mom say, "We are going to have to tell her."   
  
"Tell me what?" I ask. They had to be talking about me. There's no other "her" here.   
  
Mom and Dad both turn to me, then look at each other at the same time. I love when they do that. "We need to have a little talk," Dad says, and picks me up to sit me down on the sofa. I'm a big girl, I don't need to be carried anywhere, but I don't think he cares.   
  
I don't want to know what they're going to say. Last time they sat me down like this it was to tell me that we were coming here. I didn't like them much that day. But ooh, maybe it means... "Are we going back to Moya?" I ask, trying not to bounce with excitement.   
  
They both sit down on either side of me. "Sorry, sweetie, not now," Dad says.   
  
I sigh loudly as I sit back. "I'm not having a good day."   
  
Mom smiles at me. "You know all the time you've spent telling us you want a little brother or sister?"   
  
Oh! Now I get it. "It's about time!" I say. My day's better now. I've been telling them that for as long as I remember. I'm bored and I'm sick of people that aren't like me. I'm glad they finally listened to me. They should always listen to me. It should be a rule. Everyone should follow it.   
  
Dad looks over at Mom, laughing. "Told you," he said.   
  
I don't care what he means by that. "Can you make it a brother?" I ask. "I already have a sister. We need a boy."   
  
"We can't make the baby a girl or a boy, Rose," Dad tells me. "Sorry."   
  
I shrug. "It's okay. Where are we going to put him? My room?"   
  
"We haven't talked about that yet. We'll figure something out," Mom says. "Are you okay with this?"   
  
"Yeah," I say. "At least there will be someone else like me out here."   
  
She nods, frowning at me a little. "You found a bright spot. Not a particularly happy bright spot, but..."   
  
"I'm not giving up my room, you know."   
  
"Yeah, I figured," Dad says with a smile.   
  
"And I still want a brother."   
  
"We'll work on that."   
  
"And never make me go next door again."   
  
"I'm not telling them that."   
  
Darn. "It was worth a shot."


	19. What to Do Now

As soon as I walk in the door from work, I know something's wrong. Aeryn is sitting on the sofa, jumping to her feet as soon as she sees me. "We've got a problem," she says darkly.   
  
Dammit, I knew it. "Is Rose okay?" I ask.   
  
"She's playing in back."   
  
"What's wrong then?" My first thought is that there's a wanted beacon on the planet, and I start planning ways to get us all out of here without drawing attention to ourselves.   
  
"I had an appointment with the doctor. He found something different about the baby's cells," Aeryn tells me, and I can see her trying to keep calm. "He wants to do more tests. He wants to pull you and Rose into his office to find out if it's a genetic anomaly."   
  
"That's not happening," I say. No way in hell are they poking Rose to do tests on her. I won't let them.   
  
"I know," she says. "So what do we do about it?"   
  
"Is the baby okay?" I've got a lot of concerns swimming through my head right now, and that one's topping the list.   
  
Aeryn nods. "So far everything looks all right, but its cells just aren't fully Sebacean. If they continue to do tests, they'll find that Rose and the baby are half human, which will lead them to you... Then we're a target for anyone who wants to find us."   
  
You know, five minutes ago I came home and was just looking forward to seeing my girls... Now we need to get out of here, pick up and leave. "There's got to be another colony here. Across the state or province or whatever the hell this is..."   
  
"It's in my medical record, John," she reminds me. "They'll have access to it wherever we go." She pauses, and when she speaks her voice is wavering just the slightest bit. "What if whatever they found isn't normal? Then what?"   
  
I don't even want to think about that. Before Rose was born we were terrified of what a human/Sebacean hybrid could turn out like, especially given the Pilot DNA. Yeah, that compatibility test meant our children would be healthy, but that doesn't get rid of the fear. These kids are basically three different species, and you never know when a problem will come up. Rose is a normal healthy girl, but she's got a dangerous intolerance for heat and we've noticed some slight developmental differences between her and the other kids here. When we found out Aeryn was pregnant again, we never even thought anything could be wrong because we took Rose's normalcy for granted.   
  
I sigh. "Would anyone here even know what to do if something was wrong? God, Aeryn, we're in trouble."   
  
She nods, closing the distance between us. "We have to leave. We're in agreement?"   
  
"Yes. Definitely."   
  
"We can pack our modules and leave tonight," Aeryn says. "Where do we go?"   
  
We both know the answer to that. "Do you still have that call frequency Pilot gave you?" I ask.   
  
"You've said it yourself. There's a reason we left Moya-"   
  
"You've been pushing to go back there," I interrupt. Lately I've been getting it from both Rose and Aeryn about going home, even though all the logic is against it. Now the logic doesn't even work anymore. So what's stopping us?   
  
"I know," she says, suddenly sounding very frustrated. "I don't know what to do. We stay here, we risk being found, or at least found out. The stigma will not make it any easier for Rose to fit in. Yet if we go back to Moya, we put the children back at risk."   
  
"The lesser of two evils," I grumble. Not that Moya is evil... You know what I mean. I'm frustrated, bear with me.   
  
Aeryn and I both fall into silence. "We have to make a decision," I say. "Now. We can be gone tonight."   
  
"Moya," Aeryn says immediately.   
  
Wow, she caved faster than I thought she would. I was expecting her to fight me a little, but I'll take this. "You're sure?"   
  
She still seems a little shaken, but I can see how committed to this she is. "If something is wrong, I trust Zhaan. She knows our histories, she'll know what to do better than anyone here. We have support there, and I'm not sure I want this baby to grow up without knowing them."   
  
It's a decision we've wanted to come to for a long time. Only now we have the motivation to do it. "Okay," I say. "You track them down, I'll start getting things packed up."   
  
She nods curtly. "I'm not going to miss this place," she says, looking around the room.   
  
"I'll miss not being shot at," I admit. "But I think it's better than the paranoia."   
  
Aeryn smiles back at me, and for the first time in a long time I see her excited about something. "We're going home tonight, John."


	20. Childhood Story, My Eema

"So Little Red Riding Hood goes into the house, and sees her Grandma in bed-"   
  
"Little Red Riding Hood is an idiot," Rose says, crossing her arms.   
  
I stop the story and look at Jack. He doesn't care. He's two. He's not supposed to care. He's just here for his own entertainment till I bore him to sleep. (And yes, my kids have the same names as the characters in Titanic. I know this, and I'm sorry. Aeryn was the one who started calling him Jack, and it was easier to go along with it than it was to explain why I would rather call him Robert. "You see, honey, there was this movie..." I won't tell anyone if you won't.)   
  
"It's just a story, Rose," I tell her.   
  
"And kids hear this," she continues. "You see an animal in a bed and think it's your grandma? It's stupid."   
  
"You can't just take something for entertainment value, can you?"   
  
"It's not entertaining."   
  
Jack lays in bed, watching us. "I am trying to get your brother to sleep, you know," I say.   
  
Rose shrugs and quiets down.   
  
"So Red goes into the room and sees her the wolf dressed up as her grandma-"   
  
"But she's too stupid to see it's a _wolf_," Rose interrupts.   
  
I look back at her. She puts a hand over her mouth.   
  
I start. Again. "Red says, 'Why, Grandma, what big eyes you have.' And the wolf says, 'the better to see you with, my dear.' And Red says, 'Why, Grandma, what big ears you have.' And the wolf-"   
  
"I'm sorry!" Rose says, pulling her hand away from her mouth. "Did she not see her grandma before? Like, ever?"   
  
I don't even know the answer. So I make it up. "She hadn't seen her since she was really little," I say.   
  
"Okay, fine. Does her mom not love her then? You and mom never let me go anywhere without one of you. Even though I'm old enough," she says, raising her eyebrows.   
  
"No, you're not. You're nine. And you don't even know what a wolf looks like. It could look just like Red's grandma," I remind her.   
  
"No, it doesn't. You drew me a picture once."   
  
The picture she's talking about was of a puppy dog. With big floppy ears and spots, and big cartoon eyes. She was about six when she saw that, so I drew something that definitely wouldn't scare her. Although if that's the picture she's thinking of, her whole "it's a _wolf_!" argument really does have merit. Not that it wouldn't ordinarily... You know what I mean.   
  
"Story," I say. Jack is still wide awake, blue eyes staring up at me, waiting for me to go on. "And Red says, 'Why, Grandma, what big teeth you have.' And the wolf says, 'The better to eat you with.' And he jumps out of the bed-"   
  
"Can a wolf talk?" Jack says.   
  
"In this story he can," I tell him. She's got him starting now. "He jumps out of bed and starts chasing her all around the house. And just as he's about to eat her, the woodsman runs into the house and kills the wolf-"   
  
Jack makes a face. "Yuck."   
  
"And they all lived happily ever after," I sigh.   
  
"Except for the wolf," Rose says. "And he was the smartest one. This isn't a kid's story, Dad."   
  
Ordinarily I'm very glad Aeryn and I have such an inquisitive child, one who won't take everything she hears to heart. Right now, I have a headache. "End of story. Jack, sleep," I tell him.   
  
"Okay," he says, like it's a big chore. At least I know he will go to sleep. Unlike a certain girl that will go unnamed...   
  
I kiss him on the forehead, and Rose does the same, and we leave together. "Does it bother you that I'm there when you're telling Jack stories?" she asks me.   
  
I shake my head, but I'm not surprised she asked me. I was a little annoyed, but I hope she didn't see that. "No."   
  
"Okay, good. I like being there."   
  
"Then why do you fight me on every point of the story?" I ask. "I didn't write it."   
  
Rose shrugs. "I don't know. I know it's part of our culture and stuff, but there are some really bad ones. And I like spending the time with you."   
  
I wasn't expecting that answer. I like that answer. "I like spending the time with you, too."   
  
"And you're really funny when you get frustrated," she giggles. "Like when I called Obi-wan an idiot and this vein in your neck did this thing..."   
  
I try not to roll my eyes, but it doesn't work. About a month ago I was trying to tell Jack about Star Wars. Every kid needs to know this story, I don't care how young they are. It ended with Jack falling asleep fifteen minutes into it while Rose and I argued about the story till she walked out and left. I thought she was just trying to annoy me, but if she's looking at it as bonding time, I'm more than willing to agree with her on that.   
  
"You do love irritating me," I say with a smile.   
  
Rose smiles brightly. "Uh huh." No one can accuse this girl of being dishonest. As we get to her quarters, she asks, "So what are you going to tell him tomorrow?"   
  
I look at her, and slowly say, "You know what? I'm letting you do it tomorrow."   
  
"Really?" she says, seeming genuinely excited. Then the smile disappears and she looks at me suspiciously. "This is payback, isn't it?"   
  
"So young, so cynical," I say, and hug her before leaving. "Night, Rose."   
  
"I'll be prepared!" she calls down the hall after me, and I can't help but smile.


	21. The Enemy

"It's a bad idea."

Aeryn gives me one of Those Looks. "This is becoming a trend."   
  
"Exactly!"

"A trend which I started, by the way."

For a moment my mouth opens and close, and my foot feels mysteriously guided towards it. "Do you know the issue I have with this guy?" I ask her.

"I do."  
  
"So-"

"But that doesn't mean we should turn him away."  
  
"Yes, it does!"

Aeryn sighs, her eyes rolling. "We nearly left Chiana tied up at the nearest planet-"

"She might have liked that," I say, mostly under my breath.

She ignores me. "We could have done the same for Jool, or Crais, or Sikozu-"

"Sikozu was a bad idea," I insist.

Aeryn doesn't give me that point, but doesn't contest it, either. "You've been outvoted, John. If you want to argue with D'Argo, feel more than free."

She takes off without me, and I resist the urge to bang my head against the wall once or twice. I remember a time when she wouldn't have batted an eye to shooting this idiot out the nearest airlock. And now she's going to bat for him.

I take my time getting to the center chamber, and am the last to arrive. Aeryn has already gotten the kids and is attempting unsuccessfully to feed Jack, who's flinging the UT version of strained something mushy at the back of Rygel's head. Rygel, understandably, is not happy about this. "You can do this somewhere else!" he complains.

"He's a baby, he does things like this," Aeryn says. She grabs a cloth, attempting to clean the food from him.

Rygel bats her away. "You and your spawn have done enough damage for one mealtime!"

Aeryn moves to smack him in the head, but Chiana beats him to it. Next to her, Rose giggles and shoots Rygel a sweet smile. It shuts him up. He never stopped complaining about the way his schedule was interrupted by Rose, but he's really gotten to like her. Jack will probably be the same way.

I take the last seat at the head of the table, which puts me right between my little girl and the enemy.

"So," Rose says to our friendly neighborhood turncoat, and I swear she bats her eyelashes, "are you staying on Moya long?"  
  
Braca eyes the table warily as he answers. "Hopefully not too long."

"People come and go all the time here," Rose goes on, trying to sound much older than her age. "You're welcome to stay."

"We're going to have to work on your subtlety," Chiana murmurs to her. She then smiles at me as if I couldn't hear what she just said to my _nine-year-old daughter_. I'm going to have to have a talk with Chi later. And what's she doing lecturing anyone on subtlety.

"Don't feel you have to stick around, though," I say, ignoring the dirty look Rose shoots at me. I grab a plate and try to sound as civil as possible. "In case you haven't noticed, we have a knack for getting into trouble. It's generally best to hightail it out of here as soon as possible."

"Yes, of course," Braca says smoothly.

He and I are going to get into a knockdown, drag-out fight, I know it. I'll have to see who wants to get in on the pool.

D'Argo is looking at me as if he expects punches to be thrown now. (Not in front of the kids. Not again, at least.) "Play nice," he says. "I might make you two hug and say you'll try to be friends."

"Don't think I can't kill you," I warn.

D'Argo grins. Is there anyone I'm not going to be talking to or screaming at after this meal?

"We all say we're going to leave here," says Chiana, in between bites of food, "but we don't."

"We did," Aeryn said.

"Yeah, and you're _here_," Chiana reminds her. "It's like you get on Moya, and you... stick."

"Oh, he's definitely leaving," I say immediately, and at the same time Braca is saying, "I'm not staying here."

Chiana shrugs and goes back to her food.

"That's because you've all grown comfortable here," Rygel says. "You have _habits_."

I see the expression on D'Argo's face and try not to laugh. Rygel's had the opportunity to leave and reclaim his throne, and he came back. Twice already. We know how this goes.

But Braca is here on a limited stay. This is definite. I'll make sure of it.


End file.
